The Hot Chick

“We go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls.”

Some of the truest shit Ye ever said. Or was it Mos Def who sang that part? Either way, really good looking women are aware of the fact that they’re really good looking. In case anyone hasn’t noticed, good looking women have the world at their disposal. There’s literally nothing they can’t get away with. They have caused wars, political scandal, depression, and I’m sure more than a few suicides. That’s real life. See, there are a number of several categories that a good looking woman can fall into. She can be cute, pretty, sexy, beautiful, or really really hot. What constitutes one from the other? Well beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but when you see a really really hot woman, you’ll know it. That’s about the best answer I can offer. I imagine every guy out there wants a woman who falls into at least one of those categories. I would hope so. But there’s one of these good looking women that men might want to reconsider pursuing before they indulge. It’s not a big secret that men will act out of character when in pursuit of a good looking woman, but none as much than he would for the hot chick. Everybody wants her. I’m talking about the type of hot chick where a man’s wife would understand if he had an affair with said hot chick because…well, she’s just that good looking.

But let’s be honest about this for a second. Hot chicks are the worst of all types of good looking women. They’re the least humble. They’re the most manipulative. They’re higher maintenance. And despite that I just reiterated a fact that everyone already knows, it won’t change anything. Because since the beginning of time, man has lost all logic and self-respect when it comes to dealing with really really hot women. Since most really hot women are aware of this, they use it to their advantage, of course. That’s why I prefer a woman who is cute and/or pretty as opposed to one who’s the hot chick. I know, I know. You don’t believe for one second that any sane man would pass on an obviously much better looking woman, but Common chose Queen Latifah over Paula Patton in that one movie. And if they can make that believable, then hear me out.

See, in comparison to most good looking women, the hot chick knows how much power she has over the male species. She’s been predisposed to using her looks to get what she wants from the time she was conceived on that night when Daddy didn’t pull out in time. Or maybe Mommy was a hot chick too, and Daddy didn’t pull out on purpose. Gotcha, Bitch! You think she’s not aware of the fact that she can be a complete bitch to any and everyone, yet she’ll still have some dude texting her Brian McKnight lyrics at 3 AM. She knows that she can get a man that’s better looking and probably richer than whomever it is she’s with at any given moment. And no man should have to live looking over his shoulder like that. I don’t want to sound insecure, but I tend to notice shit like this. So don’t argue with me.

With all that being said, let’s not get confused about what I’m saying. I don’t think man should end his pursuit of the hot chick. I believe when a man is on his deathbed, he’s either reminiscing on all the hot pieces of ass he got, or the one that he could’ve got but didn’t. We need those notches in our belts. Most importantly, I just want guys to be smarter in their pursuit. Stop triple texting her if she didn’t respond to your first and second text. Take that L, and be sad for 30 minutes before you realize that she isn’t gonna send you a text back. Then text her not as cute friend who has less standards and inhibitions to come cheer you up. Another thing: stop buying ALL of her drinks. Those sugary shots that never get straight men drunk cost a lot of money. As hard as it might be, try to use the head above your shoulders when dealing with the hot chick. It will save you time, money, and sooner or later, public embarrassment. Unless it’s Charlize Theron. Any man should do whatever it takes to keep her happy, even if only for a few minutes. OK, I’m done.