Timelines and expectations drive our culture. You must do x, y, and z by the time you are this age or you are not considered successful. You know what I’m talking about to, so don’t front! We all have things we expect to accomplish by a certain time and when it doesn’t happen, we have a tendency to freak out a little. I wanted to be a millionaire rapper by the time I was 30, didn’t happen. Still stings a little when I think about it. I often hear women talk about what I call the “double major timeline.” The double major timeline is the one that requires you to get a BS (or college degree) and MRS (fiancée or super serious boo-thang) at the same time. There is a lot of social and cultural pressure for young women to have a serious suitor by the time they complete college or soon there after. This pressure doesn’t exist at all for men. With two opposing goals for young adult relationships, it can be hard out there for a sister. Moreover, if you listen to the hype, it gets harder to develop significant relationships outside of the 23 – 27 age range. DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE! Mrs me with that foolishness!! There are plenty of things you should be doing during the college/young adult stage of your life that will benefit you more than finding a fiance!!*
Here are 3 Things More Important than Finding a Husband during the College/Young Adult years
1. Kicking Butt in College/Career! – As a college speaker, it would amaze you how many times I speak with students doing the bare minimum in school! Get your Life! Studies show that students that excel in college are more likely to be successful in their careers and life in general. Makes sense, but common sense ain’t common. Also, people with successful careers are more likely to be married, just an FYI. Having an intense focus on your career in the very beginning can pay off large dividends in the future. In the words of my LB Keylan Morgan, “sometimes you need to have a healthy unbalanced work/life situation where work wins now so you can have a healthy unbalanced work/life situation where life wins in the future.”
2. Finding Yourself – What do you like? I mean what do you really like, when you are not worried about impressing someone. For most of us, the young adult/college years are our first time on our own. It’s the first time our parents can tell us something and we can take it as a strong suggestion and not an ironclad demand. We are forming the habits that will likely shape the people we will become. It might be a good idea to know who you are independent of anyone but GOD. It’s important to know who you are and what you like before you get involved in a relationship. Also, having a sense of self is a healthy sign that you are ready for a relationship.
3. Find a Passion/Ministry/Hobby – You will never have more free time then you do during this time in your life. You have mad gaps in your schedule!! Fill them up with an activity or cause you are passionate about. Find a ministry at church. Our ultimate purpose is to DO WORK!! God calls us to action. Most believers struggle with finding a ministry because they are trying to squeeze things into an already full life. Remember those habits I said you were forming in #2? This is an opportunity to form a habit of balancing ministry and life so it will be less difficult as you add more things to your plate.Give back to the community. Pick a hobby or sport like golf or tennis…something!! These are great times to learn something new, do something different, travel, read, study, etc. Find out what it really means to DO YOU!
It’s important that the cultural pressures to conform do not consume you. I know that everything that is tossed in your face is telling you that you need a man. Mrs me with that foolishness! Think like a Man, How to get Man, How to Marry a Man, Why Sisters can’t get a Man. Mrs me with that foolishness! You are significant and relevant without a man. You don’t need a man to complete you or to achieve success. Marriage is dope, but it ain’t for everybody. It ain’t for the weak at heart either. I know I make my wife question her sanity at least twice a month! There are no deadlines for the events in your life. Everything happens in God’s time. Focus on becoming a Virtuous Woman and God will take care of the rest.
*Disclaimer – I’m not suggesting that you can’t or won’t find the love of your life during your college/young adult years, but if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world.
What are some other things more important than getting your MRS during your college/young adult years? Do you think it’s important to find a partner before a certain age? Why? What is the cut-off age?