Real Talk, No Kevin Hart / Social Experiments

5 Friends Every Man Needs: The 5 Deadly Venoms

Recently, I had a night out with the fellas.  Just some time to kick it and catch up.  It had been a while since I was out running the streets and it showed.  Around 11:45pm, the sleepy monster kicked in and sat on my neck!!  Out of nowhere, one of my boys swooped in and handed me a drink, red bull and vodka, while another told me to “wake my lame ass up!”  If anyone else had talked to me in the tone of voice he used, there would have been police reports filed that evening.  But it was my boy, so I laughed, took the drink and turnt up. Not really though.  Later, while reliving the night at the Waffle House, I noticed the dynamics of the group.  I realized that every since I can remember, I have always had a great group of people around me.  If I may say so myself, at most points in my life I could honestly say ain’t too many F*@#*n with my clique.  But I have always had the same five characters in my life.  Not the same five people, but definitely the same five characteristics or roles.  After some research, mostly at BBQ’s, barber shops, dice games, the nekkid, and sports bars, I realized that every man needs these five friends in his life.  These 5 characters help us stay sane, balanced and relevant!  They also greatly decrease our propensity for negative fuc&*ry while maximizing the positive sort.

Here are the five friends every man needs:


The Brother
– this is the friend that is ride of die.  The type of dude that you can call at anytime and know that you will get solid advise or wisdom, or if you are on that bull… they will call you out!  The Brother is normally greeted with a big smile, a hug and a slight rock side to side.  You all keep up with each other’s families through more than FB & Instagram.  The Brother keeps men accountable and focused.  This dude is an essential element to every man.

The Wing Man
– This is the friend that is always ready to go….somewhere! Anywhere. Everywhere.  He don’t ever watch the game at his house, EVER.  This negro is always somebody’s plus one.  He is also infallible in social settings.  The Wing Man is every ready to take one for the team, but never taking an L in the process.  Do you know how hard it is to kick it with the girl that only wants to talk about derivatives and ex boyfriends and STILL have a good time?  The Wing Man is greeted with, “a fam I’m feeling this chick but her friend is hating.”  There have been odes written to the Wing Man, nuff said.

This is a Wing Man!!!

This is a Wing Man!!!

The Ghost – There are some people that you can always count on to kick it with you, then there are the people you can count on to not show up, cancel, or flat out say no.   The latter is the Ghost.  The dude that only comes out on special occasions and major anniversaries.  The Ghost is greeted with, “heeeeeeyyyyyy look who showed up!”  Contrary to popular belief, this guy is not a bad friend.  He is often the first one to settle down, get married and have real bills.  This limits his time to hang meaning that he maximizes every moment away from the crib.

The Borrower/A$$hole
– ah the dual threat!  The Borrower/A$$hole lives up to his name! He is the dude you have to darn near force to buy a round of drinks and then he doesn’t let you forget about for the next 3 weeks (even though he bought Taka while everyone else bought Goose).  Even though you all are grown, this man is the most likely to start a fight or altercation (not just in club scenes either, I’m talking crawfish boils, spades games, and Christenings).  With all of the drama that The Borrower/A$$hole brings, you couldn’t imagine life with him, mostly because he owes you $50 and he still has your card table and chairs set.  He is normally greeted with, “This MuthaF^@ka here!”  He keeps your head on a swivel.

That Dude
– The celebrity of the group.  When you go out bar hopping, he knows every bartender.  When you all are at social gathering, he bumps into people you had no clue he knew.  At the grocery store, the excellent cashier is his mentee.  He doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does it’s a Heineken, he is THAT DUDE.  The social butterfly that knows all the hot spots and has connects to get the whole crew on the guest list.  You know the footage of the Most Interesting Man in the World when he was younger, That Dude is living out those scenes and we are just blessed to be able to be in the back ground.  Whenever you are stumped and don’t know what to do you call That Dude.  He is normally greeted with, “how did you make that happen?” We all want to think of ourselves as That Dude, but he is actually the person that first came to mind when you read this description.

These 5 characters are in every group of male friends.  It doesn’t matter if you are black, white, brown, or purple, if you have friends these 5 characters are present.  You may only have 2 or 3 people in your click, that only means that you all rotate between these roles depending on the situation, but all 5 are there.

Where you able to identify with these 5 friends?  Did a person pop in your head as soon as you read one of them?  Which role do you play the most?


2 thoughts on “5 Friends Every Man Needs: The 5 Deadly Venoms

  1. I can think of a few cats who fill those roles. Wouldn’t trade em for any other homies. Always good times when we get together

  2. Truly we need the wild and crazy as well as we need the sane and grounded in our lives. They allow us to see both sides of the road, and experience them as well, while making the decision that is best for our situation. I think sadly enough, sometimes the wild and crazy friends best attribute is that they wound disown you when you mess up! Thank God for wild and crazy friends!!!

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