Lust and Love

I’m Miss Right…why am I single?


Dear Caesar….

I’m really trying to understand why I am still single. I just turned 27 this weekend. I am in the best shape of my life. I have a very successful and blossoming career making six figures and I don’t have any baggage; no kids, no obsessive ex-boyfriend, no daddy issues…heck technically, I’ve never really a true sexual intercourse experience. I attend church regularly, but I’m not a bible thumper. I love to cook, play and watch sports, play video games and I listen to all kinds of music. I don’t get it, and I’m tired of that same old, “Maybe you just intimidate men.” I’m starting to get frustrated and I’m not sure what to do. I want a real relationship; a marriage; kids one day and I feel like time is escaping me. Can you provide any suggestions?


Miss Right…right now, right away, right when you need me…uuggh!


Dear Miss Right,

WOW! You sound like a really attractive woman on paper. I’m sure there are people who are reading this, most of whom probably can’t even begin to identify with you because you sound perfect, are saying to themselves, “I know why this girl can’t find someone…she’s ugly.” However, I wonder if the issue is not what you look like, what you have accomplished, or what you are interested in; it may just be that it’s not your time.

See the remarkable thing about relationships is that they are one of the ultimate signs of free will choice. The reality is, you COULD be in a relationship right now. However, you have CHOSEN, maybe, to not allow what you want, to compromise what you believe you deserve. With all of the internet dating sites, not to mention your conventional pickup lines and “girl I got the perfect guy” match making friends, you have a very large pool to choose from when it comes to be in a relationship. In spite of all of this access, you have chosen to control your desire to be in a relationship so that you don’t end up in one that could result in unnecessary baggage, heartache, and unfulfilled disappointment.

My suggestion to you would be to continue living your life. Don’t shy away from the activities and things in life that bring you joy. Don’t stop entertaining your friends who like to play Cupid, and if social hookup websites intrigue you, there is nothing wrong with looking into setting up an account and seeing what happens. You sound like you have a lot to offer and because of that there is no need for you to feel like you are settling. Enjoy this time of being single, but always be aware of the endless possibilities to exercise CHOICE when dealing with individuals you find yourself attracted to or who approach you out of there attraction towards you. Everything will happen in its own time and with its own purpose. Hope this helps!




5 thoughts on “I’m Miss Right…why am I single?

  1. Miss Right: you mentioned all of those qualities – and those are things that YOU like about YOURSELF. A good relationship isn’t about you. It’s about the other person. Shift your focus off of you and onto the other person.

    • I must disagree with you. A good relationship is about YOU and also how YOU work with HIM/HER and if HE/SHE works well with YOU. If those qualities she listed are a reflection of what she values then she should wait until a man who values those same things in her comes along. However, I’m sure it goes without saying that she is focused on what she values in another person but it starts with knowing what she values in herself before she can connect with anybody. IMO 🙂

      • @Kevin and @Ryane I think both points are valid. I think, particularly with what she wrote in the letter, that all we have is her and as a result that’s all she can focus on. I think that if she mentioned that she was in a relationship and she couldn’t get passed why things weren’t working out given all of her perceived qualities of value, then I could have challenged her to shift her focus on valuing the characteristics her partner brought to the relationship. But, since we don’t know of a partner, I think her questions are more of the introspective nature and that’s why I suggested that she continue to live her life and never overlook her opportunities to choose to engage in the relationship process.

  2. Very nice response to this woman. I have to admit when I started to read this article I was prepared for a blog about how “you women need to get off your high standard horses” or some other kind of answer that is often given to women like her in which most think her singleness is either 1) her fault 2) her fault 3) she’s ugly 4) her fault or 5) she’s not THAT great. LOL I like that you acknowledge that many times, not all, but MANY times people are single by choice. I agree. There is always somebody out there who wants you but the catch is that you have to want them back and THAT is where some people’s “dilemma” begins. Long story short, thank you for answering her like a mature grown man should and not like an arrogant man. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Stop Loving Your Agenda and Love a Real Person | From Ashy to Classy

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