Lust and Love

Friends to Lovers..Is it Possible?

Were Lil John and nem blowing smoke?

Were Lil John and nem blowing smoke?

There is this one girl who has been in my life for a long time. And from day one I have been Jonesing.  I tried to get at her back in the gap, in H.S., but she “had a man” and that dude was mad cool so I couldn’t just come in and throw salt on the game.  Eventually, we became really good friends, that liked each other but it was always the wrong time.  We just never caught each other at the right moment.  When she was single, I wasn’t   When I was single, she knew too much about my singleness to fool with me!  But then it happened.  Somehow, we ended up in the same place,  both single and in the right frame of mind.  Funny thing is we weren’t really thinking about each other like that.  At that point in our lives we were two old friends going through the paces.  She was for real for real my ace.  We were hanging out tough and the next thing you know, Confessions was playing, the jokes stopped and I was walking around campus singing Is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling.  Everything was great until it all fell apart. (I sorta broke it apart by being an a$$hole, but that is a different blog post)   After waiting all that time it still wasn’t the right time.  Maybe it was never supposed to be, maybe we forced it.  In the end, I lost a great friend and once a great friend has gone bad, they’re gone forever.  It will always be awkward when we see each other and that’s not the business.  I learned a few things about moving from friends to boo thangs and what I learned wasn’t all bad.

1. Friends can make great boo-thangs:  Despite how my situation turned out, several of the successful marriages in my circle are people that were friends first.  It really helps to have a solid foundation before you start a relationship.  Having a friendship before things get romantic lets you see how people act in social circles and how they treat people.  It also can let you see how folks act in romantic relationships.  IF your friend is known for being a triflin dirt dog, you should probably take that into account before you try to evolve the friendship.  WARNING: BEST FRIENDS SUCK AT BEING BOO-THANGS.  They just do.  They suck more than Monica, Heidi, and Mitt put together!  The bond of best friends, especially when it’s a male/female pairing, is special and should be protected at all cost.

2.  The Truth Doesn’t Hurt it Helps…A Lot!:   You know that awkward period in the beginning of a relationship when both of yall are kind of fronting…yea that ish doesn’t really exist when you Flip the Switch.  What’s dope about dating a friend is that (hopefully) you all have been honest with each other.  Ain’t no future in ya frontin’ when it’s just ya homie coming over.  You don’t move that pile of clothes or clear the dishes from the sink.  Hooking up with a friend, you start where most relationships get rocky, the Real You stage.    You know that point, where ya gall starts sleeping in that raggedy ass scarf and ya man brings out them raggedy ass “lucky drawz”.  Knowing the true truth about ya boo-thang is always good and the sooner you get to that stage the better.  Dating a good friend is dating someone who is going into the relationship with knowledge of all your flaws upfront and more than likely, they are used to that dumb annoying ish you do (and probably think its funny).

3.   Comfort is a Powerful Drug:  Because you have likely known each other for quite sometime there is going to be an increased level of comfort.  Whether this is good or bad depends on how you handle it.  When handled correctly, it’s a great thing (see point #2) that allows a couple to hit their stride sooner.  Buuuut, it can seriously F some stuff up!  Fellas, this mostly applies to us.  In a traditional relationship, we eventually get comfortable and stop trying as hard.  Stop doing the little things that helped us get the gal in the first place.  When you move from homies to smang partners it’s easy to fall into that comfortable trap from jump and never do the little things and put forth that extra effort.  The way you handle the level of comfort will go a long way in determining if your relationship is successful.

4.  Most of The Time Ya’ll Were Friends in Waiting:  Most male/female friendships are pretty genuine at least for one party.  I promise on everything that I love that at one point or another there was an attraction from one side.  At one point in the friendship, possibly more, somebody had feelings.  They may not have said anything, oh but best believe it happened.  That doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t real, hell the fact that they kept their mouth shut about how they felt lets you know how much they valued the friendship.  But because of this, its possible for friends to enter into a relationship on different levels.  If they have been feeling you since Jr. High and you just started paying attention at 26, it could lead to one person already in love and the other still trying to get over the fact that they kissed their friend!  That’s a problem fam!

5.  Smashing is THE Worse Way to EVER Make the Transition:  How people move from friendship to romance varies.  MTV even made a sad excuse of a TV show about it.  Sometimes it happens naturally and both parties realize that it’s just time to make that change.  Sometimes the “friend in waiting” gets tired of waiting and makes their move.  Sometimes, its like you see in the movies and friends lock eyes and slowly move to a passionate kiss (that’s that bull-ish).  But the worst way in the whole entire world to move from friendship to romance is by smashing!  You first act as a romantic pair should not be sex!! I don’t’ give a damn how comfortable you are with each other, how long you all have known each other or how long you have been feeling each other.  Having sex as the first romantic action is the kiss of death.  It’s like letting your crackhead cousin have a key to your house……yea its that bad.

In the end, its possible to go from friends to lovers, you just gots to be more careful.  Any romantic relationship carries the risk of not working out, but when friendship is involved you can lose a good friend too.  Proceed Carefully.

What to do you think, is it a good idea for friends to become lovers?  Do friends make good romantic partners?  Can you friends and lovers?


6 thoughts on “Friends to Lovers..Is it Possible?

  1. It really depends. I think there comes a point where you have been friends with somebody for TOO long that the transition to more can be awkward and the end results, if not marriage, can be devastating. I have always preferred dating someone who I like but wouldn’t necessarily categorize them as a “good friend” or “best friend”. At most, we are acquaintances who go into dating from the jump with a romantic interest in the other. That is better. You both essentially get to start out with a clean slate. He doesn’t know everything about me and I don’t know everything about him BUT we know just enough to be able to tell they are worth exploring. If the relationship goes sour, it isn’t as awful when you have to eliminate them from your life and even better, they are less likely to have the exact same circle of friends so your possibility of running into them is minimized.I think WHILE dating you two should work to become best friends because that’s what is going to keep the relationship going but I think that “we were friends/best friends” stuff sounds good but in my experience and observing my friends’ experiences, minus one couple, those usually don’t pan out.

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