Lust and Love / Media Madness

5 Love Languages…Simplified


Okay, I admit it!! I watched it.  I watched The Life Lessons Class with Harpo and Dr. Chapman, the creator of the 5 love languages.  And I liked it!! I think it has some validity and the ability to really help people.  I agree that most folks, including myself, need help communicating with their boo-thang.  For those that missed the show and are not familiar with the 5 love languages, they are the 5 major ways that most people express and receive love.  The entire premise is that most of the conflict in romantic relationships is not due to love lost but love wires being crossed.  In other words, it ain’t that your man don’t love you, it’s just that he may not understand how you need to be loved, no Lil’ Wayne.  With several people in my social circle making plans to jump the broom, after what I saw last night, I would recommend the book to anyone needing to keep or regain the spark in their relationship.  Now I say that without having read book.  “But Chris, how can you recommend a book without reading it?!!” Because in the words of Riley Freeman, “Game Recognize Game”.  The information I saw on the show reaffirmed the thoughts I’ve had about romantic relationships for quite some time.  I have always said that most relationships succeed or fail based on a select few factors.  I’m no Dear Caesar but my idea holds water, and Dr. Chapman proved it.

 

languagecircles

The Five Love Languages

I remember when I was first formally introduced to The Theory, I was a sophomore in college and was kicking it with some old heads (s/o Drea, Jarvis, and Patrick) and they were breaking down relationships.  I was still scared to ask a girl for her phone number at that point so the ish they were kicking was deep!!!  Basically, they said most men only need 3 things to be right in a relationship: good food, clean draws, good loving.  And for most cats the order of those needs would be good loving, good food, and clean draws. Later in life, I heard Hov co-sign those thoughts in Heart of the City – (I’m paraphrasing) I just want to smash these two fly chicks, I don’t want much just some nice cooked food, some nice clean drawz.  Most men, right or wrong, are very simple creatures.  Even these multiple degree having  hipster cats that watch foreign films with no subtitles (even though they only speak English) are simple cats.  If the Big 3 are in order, most men are good.

Women on the other hand are individual creatures uniquely carved by God before being placed on this earth……NOT!!   Not to say that women are not unique but for the most part women need security, affirmation, genuine attention, and good loving (from someone they feel wants the loving out of love not because they saw it on a porno). This flies in the face of the school of thought that women are complicated creatures that require decoding.  Hogwash!!  Ya’ll ain’t from Venus, you grew up on 95th next to the corner store in Lowden Homes (Chi-town Stand Up).    Women are not hard to figure out, that is just a myth that has been perpetuated over the years to sell merchandise!

 

What is dope about my thoughts on relationships is that they are closely aligned with thoughts of one of the best-selling, highly praised, and influential books on romantic relationships by a licensed professional. Which for all intents and purposes means that I was RIGHT!!  The 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation (affirmation), Acts of Service (nice cooked food, nice clean drawz), Receiving Gifts (what woman doesn’t like gifts, but the man who can buy them is often SECURE financially), Quality Time (genuine attention), and Physical Touch.  Physical Touch is the tricky one, most cats associate it with sex but it really is more than that.  It’s the hugs, kisses, holding hands…..caking that really embodies Physical Touch. However it does include sex and that is an important part in a relationship.  Men and women both want it and they both want it to be good.  But for it to be more than just smashing, the other needs should be met as well, then sex becomes and intimate investment in each others well-being.  BOOM! every relationship ever. just solved!

 

“But Chris, you are over simplifying relationships.  The dynamics are much more complicated than that.”  Hogwash!!!  I took a 16 question quiz on Dr. Chapman’s website to tell me my love language.  IF you can find your love language in 16 questions, I can tell you about the relationship needs of men and women in 5 sentences or less.  I think relationships are simple, you figure out how you want to be loved, let your lover know, and then keep working on it until its right or you feel like it ain’t worth the effort no mo’.

 

What do you think, are relationships simple?  Have you read the 5 Love Languages or did you watch the Life Lessons Class?  What did you think?  What do you think about my “theories” on men and women’s needs in relationships?  too simple? Should I gon’ and write a book like Dr. Chapman? You gon’ buy it?!  How is that what a man does or doesn’t do on one day can validate or annul a relationship?

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3 thoughts on “5 Love Languages…Simplified

  1. I actually read the book. It was interesting and really did make me reflect on HOW I liked to be loved. I think we tend to focus on what we don’t like and neglect to list what we do. Most people are a combination of the 5 languages but only one is dominant. I definitely think it is a book that a couple should read together. It doesn’t do you any good to know your love language if your partner doesn’t really know theirs and even better if the two of you read it together and discuss. Good way to bond but also enhance your relationship. Im definitely no relationship expert, lol, however, my basic rule is “Listen and step outside yourself”. If both men and women listened to eachother more, these books wouldn’t be necessary. I say step outside yourself because , for example, sometimes you may not naturally understand why your girlfriend or boyfriend gets pissed off when you talk on the phone at home BUT if you attempt to step outside your own feelings, put yourself in their position and analyze what about what you’re doing could POSSIBLY be annoying you will have have a better respect for their feelings and at best minimize your offending action even if you may not 100% understand their reaction. Happy Valentines Day!

  2. OMG…. I live by that book! Not only has it helped in romantic relationships but it has worked in my relationships with family and friends. I do believe it’s that simple. Not everyone thinks the same so why would they love the same. They book is an easy read. Everything that you makes you feel loved is learned behavior from childhood. My mom was sick so we spent A LOT of Quality Time together. Soooooo when dating me if I do not get that Quality Time I will begin to feel that you are not really into me. That is my primary Love Language. The book helped me to understand that. I talk about this book all the time and make people take the test because it helps me understand what’s important to them. If I desire to make someone happy the more I understand them the happier they will be! There are several versions of the book. I got the one for singles….obviously because I am single……lol. There is one for married couples also. I love, love, love this post! Hi-5!

    • Hi five right back to ya!! Before the show,I didn’t realize there were so many different versions of the book. They have one for kids, for parents, etc. I think it goes to show that most issues in all relationships, platonic and romantic, are based in communication.

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