I have been dating this guy for about a year now and he has yet to acknowledge me as his girlfriend, his boo, or at the very least his “main chick”. I’m not sure what to think about it or if i should be worried. I’m not even sure if I should be concerned since it has only been a year. Should I let him know how i feel about this or just walk away now before I get hurt?
Thanks a lot,
Dear Patiently Waiting,
As I was reading your message, the first thing that popped into my mind was the chorus to 50 Cent’s “Patiently Waiting”. I hope that you don’t think that my using this chorus to offer perspective on your situation as a stretch, but I think it applies perfectly.
“I’ve been patiently waiting for a track to explode on”– At this point 50 has made a commitment to finding the right song that will allow him to give his all. Embedded in this declaration is the idea that he has spent time acknowledging who he is, what he believes will work for him and most importantly has started the process of disciplining himself by staying away from what he doesn’t believe will help him be successful. He has a conviction about what he is looking for because he has put in the invaluable work on the front end of finding a good fit.
“You can stunt if you want, and yo A$$ will get rolled on”– Outlining and implementing appropriate boundaries is critical when making decisions about relationships. Because 50 put in the self reflection and goal setting time on the front end, he now can display a confidence that any song or any person who cannot provide what he is looking for is easily dismissed and disregarded. When you have a solid base of what you will and won’t allow in your relationship, then you can better dismiss everything else.
“It feels like my flows been hot for so long if you thinking I’m a f’n fall off you’re so wrong”– Okay so you have heard that there is a fine line between being cocky and confident, however when you had done the self-reflective work, have set appropriate boundaries and know what you are looking for and what you will allow, then you can confidently function in your convictions. It doesn’t matter what people say, or how much they try to convince you that you are being naive, only you can honestly say where you are and stay true to that. When you know what you are bringing to the table and can back that up with tangible evidence, there is no way that you can fall off, be driven off, or be convinced otherwise that you are doing the wrong thing.
So, Patiently Waiting, consider the wisdom of 50 Cent in regards to this situation. Even though it’s been about a year, that doesn’t mean that you can’t re-assess where you are and what you are looking for in a relationship. I’m not saying dump this guy because he is not fitting your definition of commitment or because he has not lined up with your time line, but what I am saying is that if you self-reflect, identify the boundaries that need to be set, be clear about what you are able and willing to offer in this relationship, AND THEN communicate them openly with your significant other, then you should be able to make a better decision about your relationship. Hope this helps.
What do you all think? Any advice you would offer?