I have been dating this guy for a while now and it had been going really good. However, over the past several months we have hit a very rough patch, but we are still in the relationship. Last week, he told me that his job was transferring him to a new city but he still wanted us to be together. With our relationship getting ready to enter into the land of long distance, what should I do…specifically since I think I’m losing feelings for him?
Dear Distant Lover,
There was a study done recently that made a couple of interesting statements about long distance relationships. One of those statements was, “Average amount of time for long distance relationship to break up if it’s not going to work is 4.5 months.” Another statement included that, “Total percentage of college relationships that are long distance is just over 30%” and of those relationships about 40% end up breaking up…again in about 4.5 months.”
Now I could go into tips of how to make long distance relationships work and blah, blah, blah…but the end of your letter struck me as odd. Your last statement implied that since your relationship is going to be long distance, should you stay in it when you know that you are losing feelings for the person that you are with. Well that particular question speaks to a completely separate issue and I will go out on a limb and say NO! There is no reason for you to stay in a relationship when YOU have determined that YOU no longer want to be in it.
See often times, people try to finagle their way out of relationships by using changes in their circumstances as reasons why the relationship will not work any longer. What I find interesting is that you never address what made your good relationship turn rocky. You also identify that despite the rocky nature of your current relationship status, your boyfriend wants to make the relationship work in spite of the impending long distance relationship. It seems as though HE is trying to or at least willing to commit to making this relationship work and I am just going to go out on a limb again and say that he is doing this not realizing that YOUR feelings have changed. Sounds to me that you need to have a conversation about YOUR true feelings and explain your current perspective on the relationship with him. Put all your cards on the table and, if you choose to walk away from the relationship, make sure that you left no relationship stone unturned. If you aren’t sure how this conversation should go…or what it could even sound like; take some advice from my friends Earth, Wind and Fire.
Hope this helps,