Lust and Love

Birds and The Bees

The other day, a close frat brother and I were engaged in a very interesting debate on the Book. (Facebook for the slow folks)  It all started when he made the following status update:

If sex is designed to be done freely why is so much disaster, disease, and drama attached to it. Trust me! More men would marry if they knew that was the only way to get some. Question: Is the STI epidemic a natural occurence or a result of a rebellious people? 

Every single comment agreed that it was the result of rebellious people, but where I differed from the flock was I mentioned it was from the uninformed public.  This is where the sparks started to fly.

So Ant, what do you mean by uniformed public?

Well, I’m glad you asked.  By uninformed public, I’m referring to the masses that grew up in areas where sex education was limited to abstinence-only.  In my opinion, we’re doing our youth a disservice by sticking to an archaic form of sexual education.  We live in a highly sexual society, and refusing to properly educate will only exacerbate the negative consequences.

As a Christian, I totally understand and believe that fornication is a sin.  So for a devout Christian to demand an abstinence-only form of sexual education and to supplement those teachings in their home is totally understandable.  But from a psychological standpoint, what happens when a child is suppressed and constantly told “NO” to something? It makes them want it even more.  Don’t believe me? Well I have two words for you:

Preacher’s Daughter

Regardless of the city or neighborhood you grew up in, you already knew who the freakiest of the freaks were.  Those were the Preacher’s daughters.  Why were they the freakiest? Well, because they grow up in a home where everything is highly scrutinized in an effort to ensure all members of the family are living right per the word of the God.  Don’t get me wrong, a house that follows the Lord’s teachings to the T is great, but the Preacher’s Daughter can and will rebel when it comes to exploring her sexual appetite.

Still not convinced? Well let’s take a gander at some teenage pregnancy rates in the US.  The top 4 states are as follows: (per 1,000)

Mississippi – 55.0

New Mexico – 52. 9

Arkansas – 52.5

Texas – 52.2

What do these states have in common? These states do not require sexual education to be taught in schools, but when it is taught, it is required that it be abstinence only.

Now let’s take a gander at the bottom of the list: (per 1,000)

New Hampshire – 15.7

Massachusetts – 17.1

Vermont – 17.9

Connecticut – 18.9

What do these states have in common? These states REQUIRE a comprehensive sexual education that includes abstinence and information on condoms and contraception.

So the proof is the pudding ladies and gents.  To quell the increasing trends of STIs and teenage pregnancies our Nation is going to have to stand behind sexual education that is inclusive of all safe-sex options. At the same time, as Parents, it’s imperative to supplement that education with open conversations at home.  You can’t expect your child to learn everything there is to know about sex from someone else. Being a father of an 8-year old girl, I can’t sit her and believe that she’s never going to grow up and have sex one day.  Now, I would prefer she wait until she’s happily married, but I’m also a realist.  I want to ensure that when my daughter makes the conscious decision to have sex, she will make sure her and her partner are well protected.

So what do you guys think?  Do you think a fully comprehensive sexual education in our schools coupled with open-conversations with your children is the way to go? Or should we keep the ship steady and continue with abstinence-only education?  Leave your comments below.

As always folks, stay classy.


P.S. For the guy that will eventually come to my home to date my daughter.  *cocks gun* …good luck…


21 thoughts on “Birds and The Bees

  1. Great post…. I have to agree with you I believe it should be taught at both school and at home. The reason being is that just because you tell kids not to do it does not mean that they are not going to do it. My mother was a little raw in her teachings. She told me, “I can’t tell you about the birds and the bees but I can tell you about F*cking”….O_O. You do not want to know what came after that…… Then right behind her lesson my friends told me how sex “Hurt so good” which didn’t make any sense to me. On top of that a lot of females I knew were getting pregnant. After all of the talking and pregnant girls I decided I could wait a little longer. There was no need to tell me to wait. They scared me chitless…..

    You can talk to them now….. or babysit later…….*throws up hands*

    • Talk about a “no holds barred” approach there. And I think the line: “You can talk to them now….. or babysit later” should be the slogan for a nationwide campaign to talk to your kids about sex. Kudos!

  2. As a Christian and Pediatrician who has worked with teens for 11 years, I must totally agree with you. My confidential clinic housed within the high school had a 0% pregnancy rate in the 4 school years I worked there and a very low STI rate, because we spoke openly and honestly about sex and the consequences in our schools sex education program and reinforced it in the clinic. Each of “my girls” knew that I didn’t agree with them having sex, but I was going to do what I needed to to help them stay healthy and not get pregnant.

    • That’s so awesome. I’m glad to hear there are proponents out there for comprehensive sexual education. Keep up the great work!

  3. While I agree that comprehensive sex education is a must, I have to comment on the rankings provided. Perhaps they are more related to the fact the four state with highest rates are some of the poorest states and those with lowest rates are some of the most wealthy states. Additional wealth typically equates increased parental supervision, better education,etc, etc, etc,. Just being the token sociologist higlighting correlation vs. causation. My bad.

  4. I don’t believe that teaching abstinence only or a fully integrated and comprehensive sexual education course is going to prevent teen pregnancy. When you are dealing with youth who grow up in homes and environments in which they are led to believe that there isn’t much in store for their future then the desire to not “ruin” that just isn’t there. All the high pregnancy rates states you named also have in common that they have some of THE highest numbers of economically disadvantaged people in the country. Though there are exceptions, studies have been done that show those populations have higher incidences of drop out rates, teen pregnancy and higher rates of criminal activity. There are many economically disadvantaged who cannot see a way out or who don’t even know a life beyond what has generationally been present. Point is, teen pregnancy issues goes deeper than just reading a couple of books in class. Parental talks are important but without parents who grew up themselves with an internal drive to do better and avoid critical mistakes to achieve goals, kids will continue to have sex and have babies.

    • Thank you for the comment. Now, I will agree that teen pregnancy has a strong correlation with economic backgrounds. That said, I still believe comprehensive education and parents who supplement those teachings at home can only move the needle in the opposite direction. Will it move Mississippi’s rates from 55 to 15 over night? Not at all, but will it help that number decline? Absolutely. We can’t throw our hands up and give up on those in economically disadvantaged neighborhoods. That’s sort of like refusing to provide inner city schools with additional resources for standardized testing just because studies have shown they don’t care about education so why even waste the tax dollars.

      • I will always support education of any kind but a class isn’t going to make that big of a difference in my opinion. Heck, I think it really comes down to the kid. Example: I never received any kind of sex education in grade school and my parents never spoke to me about sex. At all. Yet, I managed to make it well out of my teens before I ever even had sex and no, I didn’t believe the theory that oral sex was not sex like some misinformed. What kept me “in tact” was the drive to succeed professionally in life. THAT was what was instilled in me and by default I associated sex with potentially having babies and babies at a young age as a hindrance to my growth. I know all are not like me but that goes back to your environment during upbringing. I agree with you, parents are pivotal but I’m about individual responsibility to. We live in the age of google. There has to be a desire to seek knowledge. If it is put in front of you before you care to seek it, it means nothing.

  5. Oh and a lot of the teen girls are having unsafe sex on purpose. Having a baby has become glorified and a way that these girls prove to their boyfriends they “love” them. Just saying.

    • As my statements on the “Preacher’s Daughter” is subjective, as is the above statement that a lot of teen girls are having babies as proof that their boyfriend’s love them. Granted, I’m sure there are several teen Mom’s that fall into this category, but again, proper education in the classroom and open talks at home will help them to understand that they don’t have to have a baby by a boy to prove to them they love them.

  6. Great Post! as a Christian, I firmly believe that sex is a direct response to the command to be fruitful and multiply (to be pleasurable in action and purposeful in populating the earth) and also shared between man and woman committed to marriage…thus making it good. However, much like everything else, anything outside of it’s proper context still has the possibility to produce the same results, but the magnitude of the decision yields a higher probability of negative results (abortion, STI’s, baby mama drama, etc. etc.).

    All sides of the “sex and or sex education argument” needs to be presented so that regardless of what each individual chooses to believe and accept before acting, they can never say that they were not given a plethora of knowledge and resources to consider. We can never be held responsible for the decisions of other, but we do have a responsibility to inform the individuals in our realm of influence of the possible consequences to the behaviors THEY CHOOSE. That transcends, race, religion, and even socioeconomic circumstances and conditions.

  7. I agree with you wholeheartedly.

    My mom spoke with me open and frankly about it. She not only talked about the physiological side, but also the mental costs of being sexually active. My stepdad broked down reproductive science to the zygote when I was 6 and my older brother 10. (I was confused as hell, I had on a blue dress with little yellow flowers and he explained my eggs where smaller than the flowers, it blue my mind that a) I had eggs! and b) they were that small) If I am blessed to ever be a parent, I will do the same with my kids.

  8. First, thanks for shout out. I cut fa ya like surgical scissors lol. GOMAB

    My last point still stands. Would you tell your children to be safe in doing something harmful to them or to avoid it at all cost. We know that technically there is no such thing as safe sex…because even if the physical is safe the mental and spiritual is damaged.

    Jesus gave instruction to follow and He knows psychology. That’s why we can’t lean to our own understanding. If we just do what He says, even if it doesn’t seem logical, expecting His best for us, He’ll show us He is God. Just be faithful and watch.

    This goes for any sin. I know this is an extreme statement, but you want your kids to not steal, not just not get caught because Christ judges us. Be encouraged yall!

    • I got ya back always Bro! Love ya man!

      Comprehensive sexual education puts everything out on the table. The physical, emotional, and mental impact it will have on both parties in the present day and in the future. It’s not just a “how to” session for safe sex. It also includes how to express your love to your partner without having sex.

      So to answer your question, yes, I do want to protect my daughter from something harmful, therefore, I want to her to be fully aware and fully educated on the subject. I think Jarvis said it best in his comment above:

      “All sides of the ‘sex and or sex education argument’ needs to be presented so that regardless of what each individual chooses to believe and accept before acting, they can never say that they were not given a plethora of knowledge and resources to consider.”

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