Lust and Love / Real Talk, No Kevin Hart

The Marriage Struggle is Real?

I was witness to some of the most outlandish ish in the world last week.  I’m talking nonsense of epic proportions!  I was eating at one of my favorite spots and saw a group of brothers (black men, no relation) eating dinner and catching up. I recognized one of the dudes and went over to speak quickly and leave, I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt, but didn’t want to not speak either.  I had no clue what I was walking into, if I did I would have left out the back door.  When I went to speak to my boy, he let me know they were celebrating a bachelor party and trying to get some food in their stomachs before the insane amounts of liquor attacked their kidneys.  He said their goal was to make a black hangover, I should have known then to move around, but I didn’t.  Trying to be social I offered to buy the first round of drinks and figured we would take a shot, I would move around, and they would try to figure out who was going to lose a tooth and marry a stripper.  But, while we were waiting for the drinks, one of the dudes in the group started to ask the groom-to-be why he was getting married.  He start hitting him with all these facts about marriage.  You know the ones about how half of marriages end in divorce or separation.  Then another dude started telling him how bad marriage was and how he need a Zanex to make it through his ceremony.  Another dude was saying he didn’t know why gay people were tripping, once you get married, you can get divorced and that’s expensive….he should know considering he had 2!  I expected a little ribbing from single guys and maybe a joke or two from the married men (followed by how great their marriage was) but these dudes hated marriage more than Cavs fans hated Lebron in 2010. 

I was amazed at the overwhelmingly negative response and instead of just leaving, I asked the married cats why they felt so negatively about marriage, and here is a paraphrase of their options:

Marriage is Bull$#it!!

Ya’ll thought is was going to be some longe deep paragraph didn’t you?  Hell I did!  I thought they were going to talk about the pressures of living up to the vows and taking care of a household.  I just knew I was going to hear brothers talk about the pride of raising their children and the frustrations of parenting.  But what I heard was a bunch of cackling broads whining about how “ain’t nothing better than nookie, than new nookie.”  They complained about how their wives had let themselves go after the honey moon and hadn’t given them head since!  All I heard was complaints, and all the complaints were about sex!

Then the ish hit the fan.  The groom-to-be asked the oldest cat in the group, maybe his late 50’s early 60’s, what he thought about married.  The groom-to-be said, “you got to be in love you been married longer than I been alive.”  The old man took a sip of his drank, smiled and said,

“The problem with most cats is that they married the wrong damn woman!!  And the other half of these jive turkey’s  they probably got married for the wrong damn reasons.  And the rest of ’em just ain’t found they medicine yet.  Marriage is different for every man.  Some have it easy – mostly cause they married the right person and for the right reason.  Some struggle – with money, responsibility, women, and other shit. But them the ones that married the wrong damn person or got married for the wrong damn reasons. Like cause she pregnant or put up with his bull.  And they gone always struggle, less they find some medicine.  Medicine is a woman that does any and everything you feel like you missing from your wife, without asking for much of nothing in return.  She cook, clean, and put it on you something special.  She don’t call the house, ask for more time, or complain.  When the struggling man finds that, it makes marriage a lot easier for him.  The problem with that is that if the struggling man was too damn dumb or he would have married his medicine in the first damn place.  Cause when your medicine is not yours, its expensive and addicting.”

The old man took another sip of his drank and told everybody to shut the hell up and drink.  He leaned over to the groom-to-be and said if she ain’t you medicine already you gon struggle. 


What do you all think?  Is marriage all it’s cracked up to be?  Do you think it’s better to cheat if allows you to be happy at the crib?  What do you think about the old man’s advice? 



8 thoughts on “The Marriage Struggle is Real?

  1. Obviously, poor decision-making at the front end of a marriage can spell doom (same as an investment opportunity, a mortgage, etc.). I think the old man drinking E&J was most accurate when discussing folks getting married for the wrong reasons (He might not have been drinking Erk and Jerk, but any worthwhile advice I received from old men came whilst they sipped their cheap brandy). I see too many folks who get married and then spend all their time talking about how great their marriage is. Not how great their SPOUSE is, but how great the marriage is. Did they truly get married to become one with their spouse? Or did they get married so they can tell everyone they’re married? Who knows.

  2. The crazy thing is that is all happening at this man’s bachelor party!! the night before he is about to get married, his boys are dogging out marriage!

    And yes the old dude was drinking brandy, probably some Paul Masson or something. I was glad he was a voice of reason in that deal cause the groom-to-be looked shook.

  3. Interesting. I think that was very disrespectful of that guy’s friends to down talk marriage knowing he is about to get married. I hate when people assume that just because their stuff or situation is trash that everybody else’s will be trash as well. Not true. Everybody and every single relationship is different and deserves to be evaluated as such.

    I like the older man’s comment about “medicine”.. Interesting. What I got from the old man is that:

    Everything that looks good on paper isn’t always good in real life. Sometimes a man/woman may seem like your natural fit meaning they think like you, like the same music you like, love your mama as much as you do, etc. but that doesn’t mean they are necessarily the “one” that you should marry. These can be called “Play It Safe” options.

    I believe more times than not that man/woman that seems like an unnatural fit meaning they are liberal/you’re conservative, they can’t cook, they are argumentive, you like cats/ they like dogs, etc. is what you need. Someone who keeps you on your toes and keeps you guessing could be your fit. These are your “Out of the Box” options.

    Alot of times it seems like men/women get married to their safe choice and then regret it and begin seeking out their completely out of their norm person to make themselves feel good, wanted or whatever. Like the old man, why didn’t you just go with your “Out of the Box” option instead of your “Play it Safe” person?

    Good blog! 🙂

    • His boys were foul! I’m glad there was a voice of reason there and I hope he was confident that he found his medicine. I like how you put it, out of the box and play it safe….I’ll be stealing that

  4. Great blog my man! I think we live in a society where more weight is put on the wedding than the actual marriage itself. The majority of the marriages that I personally know that have lasted over 10 years, all had a simple wedding with their closest friends/relatives or had it at the JP. I notice a lot of these cats boast and brag about having chocolate waterfalls, renting stretch hummers, having Cirque De Soleil performers, and a Tupac hologram at their weddings in an effort to make everyone envious of the event. What they really should be boasting and bragging about, is the fact they’re about to share the rest of their life with their soul mate. If you feel it necessary to brag about the PRESENT event and not your FUTURE life, then you’ll probably end up another statistic.

    Another point I’d like to make. When choosing someone you want to get married with, make sure you can accept who they are at the present moment. This is especially important for Women in my opinion. If you’re marrying someone because they potentially will be very successful in life, that’s like thinking that Queen of clubs is going to walk while playing spades. Sure it just might, but then again, someone might trump you with a King and then you’ve lost that book.

    • That queen of clubs analogy is so on point! Potential is a powerful drug.

      But people do change (or at least should) you can’t plan for how they change but we should be excited about the growth of the union. Its a tough thing to balance.

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