Real Talk, No Kevin Hart

5 Things that Scare the Hell Out of EVERY MAN…ever.


When 2 or more men are gathered, there are a few things that will always be in the midst. Chief amongst them being laughter, verbal  pugilisting (don’t know or care if that is word), and discussions of old times. – Book of Man Law, Social Etiquette, Sect 2.a8  When the cats I know get together to chop it up, you can be sure that we are going to talk about sports, women, kids, money, and more sports.  There are few things that we never talk about because they are understood.  They are boundaries never to be broached by any self-respecting man.  Things I won’t mention in this post because, I respect myself dammit!!  But there are some things that men rarely talk about that are the universal ties that bind us all, and they darn near define us.  These things shape our view of the world, our actions, our motivations, and our relationships.  What I’m talking about is our fears.  People have a plethora of fears, so much so that it is its own field of psychological study.  However, men have phobia that strike at the core of all of us.  Basically there are a few things that scare the hell out of almost every man in America.  Without further ado and in no particular order,  here are a few of our least favorite things!

 

Raising a gay son or a stripper daughter– I know, its 2012 and we still on that?! Yuuup *storage wars*!  Don’t think this is real, watch a man react to his toddler son walking in his moms heels.  Depending on the dad, the toddler son may get his first whipping.  When my son did it, I tried to be rational and redirect, but in my mind I was scared as hell.   All I could think of is how gay men say they knew they were gay their whole lives.  I was terrified that if my son was gay, that I would be a failure as a father and a man.  I know that my 2 year old wearing his mom’s heels does not a Miss J make, but fears make you irrational.  I also know that strippers aren’t born, they are made.  So raising a daughter that becomes the next Maliah is not high on any man’s to-do list.  I want my daughter to wear sweats and a turtleneck until she is 27 and marries a God-fearing, handsome, and well-off community activist!  Crazy, I know, but I just don’t want her being another example in Brownlee’s Pole Position.

Unknowingly Marrying a Bust Down – Can you imagine the shame!!!!  Your wife’s nickname in college was “the grip” cause every dude in a frat knew her!  I know, I’m Ego Trippin. But no man wants that for his wife.  It’s the type of paradox blogger Diggame tried to explain to no avail.  Men want freaks, but just enough of a freak that we don’t think she is skeezer.  But to unknowingly marry “that” girl is tough business and something that every man is scared of.

Getting a Known Bust Down Pregnant – Marrying a girl you didn’t know was a bust down is almost like you got a raw deal.  But raw dealing a known bust down and making a baby is just plain stupid! Yet more than a handful of men have gone into the rain without a rain coat with a young lady they KNEW had the nickname of “the grip”!!  And it is that consistent recklessness that fuels this fear.  The fear you will be tied to a woman of ill repute for the rest of your natural life.  I guess this fear isn’t that big of deal considering how frequently it happens.

Getting Bobbitted – mention Lorena Bobbitt in a room full of men and watch the synchronized gas face you get.  Even young cats, that weren’t born when she chopped it off and sent it for a quiet rest in the field, know the deal.  Considering how much of a man’s worth is tied to his member, its easy to understand why this is a universal fear of men around the world.

Relationships/Marriage – In general, these two words make men uncomfortable at their mere utterance.  Contrary to popular opinion, it is not commitment that lies at the source of mens fear.  It is FAILURE.  Western Culture, though evolving, still puts the pressure on men to succeed.  Everyone, regardless of sex, wants to be the poster child for #WINNING but the societal pressures on men are a little different.  Most of those pressures are self-imposed, but still real.  We worry that we won’t teach our  kids how to make good, wise decisions, that we won’t live up to the expectations of our wives.  We worry that we won’t reach our potential or leave a legacy for our family.  All of these thoughts run through our head when we talk about relationships and marriage.  Oh and we hear Mr. BenJammin 3000 too:

“Wetness all around me, true, but I’m no island
Peninsula maybe, makes no sense I know, crazy
Give up all this pussy cat that’s in my lap???”

 Men as a collective have all of these fears to varying degrees.  Some toss and turn over them, while others dismiss them until they can no longer be ignored.  Whatever the case, it’s important for men to have honest and open dialogue about their fears.  Not every day all day, but every once in a while we need to push aside the politics, sports, and music and talk about what inspires, motivates, or scares the hell out of us.  Then we need to commit to preparing ourselves to conquer our fears, sustain our inspiration, and turn our motivations into actions.   

 

Fellas did a miss anything?  Do you agree that these fears are universal?  Ladies did you learn something about ya man you didn’t know or maybe understand his actions a little better?   It’s June 27th and if you don’t drink out of a styrofoam cup and jam some screw today, you ain’t from Houston, TX! (I’m from the Go but I will teach my kids how to bodyrock today)

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18 thoughts on “5 Things that Scare the Hell Out of EVERY MAN…ever.

  1. Getting a bust down pregnant was never a fear of mine because I like to think I’m smart enough to not make that mistake. Running up in something like that with no protection isn’t even an option. Like my mans Cane said, “I had the jimmy hat strapped extra tight.”

    Had a conversation the other day about the last one and I agree totes magotes. A relationship and committment is all good, but to invest time, effort, and open yourself up to being vulnerable only to have that relationship fail and walk away with nothing…yeah. That shit ain’t cool

  2. Enjoyed the post thoroughly…a couple of thoughts: 1) getting any women pregnant that you can’t see yourself with for the long haul (whether marriage or a committed relationship) is troublesome: bust down or not. 2) If you didn’t know your woman was the grip prior to taking it that far in a relationship…your fault; unless of course you asked and she blatantly lied. 3) Getting Bobbitted: Don’t do anything that would lead to a women thinking that was an appropriate retaliation. Finally, at some point you have to raise your children the best way you know how, be up front and honest about what you believe, ask them what they think about issues early on, challenge their perspectives and at the end of the day…LET THEM MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS; because they are going to do that anyway.

    • I gotta disagree on one point here. It’s very possiple to unknowingly wife “the grip” You might be from another city or state with no knowledge of her past life. That’s how I took it anyway

  3. The only place I disagree is the marry a former bust down. Who really cares and how narrow is your world that anyone would even know or care if she was the “grip” in college? At some point, men need to grow the hell up and allow for personal growth and change. I don’t want to marry player or a cheater but show me ONE man who has never been a player or cheated on a chick. You can’t let someone’s past negate the future as long as they’re evolving. Remember that pack of gum you stole? Well, I can’t marry a thief. Silly, right? Allow for growth and change and leave the past back where it belongs.

    • No disrespect, but these are FEARS that men have. Whether you agree with them or not is irrelevant and does not change the fact that this is how most men think. Women have their set of standards as well and I’m sure there’s an article out there with a list a mile long of things women fear about men and there’s probably not much we can say to change your views on them.

      • Of all of the fears presented, this one just seems irrelevant. I’m sure women have silly fears too and I know that I personally do. However, you have to allow for people to mature and what-not and being afraid of marrying a former bust-down locks her into who she was and ignores who she is and more importantly, who she can become. The important part is FORMER.

        • I absolutely agree with everything you stated,,,that’s the way it should be and it’s the fair thing to do; however, most guys just do not want to marry the chick that everyone else has ran through. Don’t get me wrong, I used the word “most” for a reason, because there are plenty of dudes out there who will wife a stripper, and porno star, or the chick they’ve been swinging with, Nonetheless, the general rule is that guys will typically accept someone who falls somewhere within the “bell curve,” meaning a woman who’s far from a virgin, but also a woman who didn’t let the whole football team turn her out [in front of everyone] at every post-game party they had. Bottom line is that there is someone for everyone, but just realize that women limit their options for committed relationships and marriage if they have well known “bad” reputations – past or present.

        • Kym, you bring wisdom and rationale to this point, however most fears are irrational and require some critical thinking to overcome. Pluse cats got a lotta pride and don’t want to risk not being the best she ever had – YMCMB voice

  4. Another big fear is to fully commit to a woman and make her your wife and after you’re married she holds out on the sex. This is crazy because it puts you in a position to either “have to” cheat or to get divorced. Either scenario essentially jeopardizes everything you have and will eventually lead to a failure described in the fifth point.

    • you might not be be married or but when you get married, you have to really make time for the nookie. Holding out is one thing, but after 3 practices, a recital, cleaning and cooking dinner, sometimes sleep is the better option.

      But HOLDING OUT!!!! Bet not happen!!

  5. Pingback: Life Will Be a Lot Better If You Focus on your Own Piss! « From Ashy to Classy

  6. I thought I was the only one with an unhealthy addiction to Storage Wars. I can’t pinpoint anything I specifically like about the show, but I always find myself watching it. As far as marrying the “town pump”, usually the best solution is to leave town. You can’t stay in the same location with the woman and all the men she “knew”. Too many people have too many memories for it to end well.

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  8. Your number one fear was my number one fear! I’ve been living it for 25 years, I’ve learned to accept and love my son unconditionally! I am new to this blogging thing but would like to invite you to visit my page where I am sharing my story about my experiences of raising a gay son with my street gangster “No son of mine” mentality. I look forward to your feedback. Thank you.

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