Real Talk, No Kevin Hart

The Qualifier


Yesterday was Father’s Day.  So belated Father’s Day to anyone I’m not friends with on Facebook and was not included in my broad and vague cover-all Facebook status.  I did see the flood of “happy father’s day to the real father’s” tweets and a few Facebook posts for single mom’s holding it down.

What does any of that have to do with Father’s Day? Nothing.  The qualifiers that are put on this holiday put a total damper on the mood.  The statistics about how much less people spend on father’s day instead of mother’s day.  The definitions of what makes a father.  All of this negativity seems to outshine those who choose to honor fathers and whatever good they impart on their children’s lives.

Issue 1:  The single mother.  
Yes there a lots of single mothers that raise children.  Some of us were probably raised by a single mother.  I’m sure they all did the best that they could with what they had.  For whatever reason the mom and dad couldn’t get their shit together and have a cohesive family unit.  Kids are resilient.  They are more than likely okay with the situation.  But a mother is a mother.  And that has nothing to do with Father’s Day.  I am a woman.  I am a mother.  If I had a son, there is no way I could teach him how to pee standing up.  For that reason alone I think we should let the dad’s have their day.

Issue 2:  Your dad sucks.
Welcome to the club.  Having daddy issues does not make you special.  In fact, it makes you pretty regular.  Your dad drank a lot and gambled all your family’s money away?  Ok.  Don’t call him on Father’s Day.  Did your dad not come to your baseball games and spelling bees or whatever?  I would be kinda mad at that too.  But you can’t find not a one guy that you would want to wish a happy day to?  Barack Obama don’t make you a little teary like “yeah there are some good fathers out there.  Maybe I should just give a nice general statement .”  Good.  Do that and move on.  He left your mom and you too?  Sorry to hear that. Maybe he’s just an awful person, maybe your parents should have picked better mates, maybe you just got dealt a crap hand of life.  Don’t use Father’s Day as a sounding board to air all your grievances.  

Issue 3. What is “real”.
I generally have an issue with people using the adjective “real” in front of a noun.  (Except for when I question if things are real life).  Women use this term A LOT. “Real women have curves”. “Real moms have dirty houses.”  “This hair is real since I paid for it”.  And unless something was completely manufactured in a lab, I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that it’s real.  I can be thin and be a “real woman”.  I can keep my shit together and be a “real mother”.  But I digress.  Around the middle of June people start to shout out to the “real dads” out there.  As if an absent father just somehow is not a father anymore.  I’m pretty sure they know somewhere down in their core that they probably totally screwed their kid up.  Or if I were a step-father and had no biological kids then I would be offended by the “real father” qualifier.  I mean if you have any sort of positive influence in a kids life, then kudos to you.  

Do you have issues with Father’s Day?  Did you get something for your father?  Save him the big piece of chicken?  Are you a single mother and think you deserve some recognition for Father’s Day? Are you one of the few that doesn’t have daddy issues???

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4 thoughts on “The Qualifier

  1. Love this……

    I do not have the best relationship with my father. Right now I can say we are cool. If you say his name you won’t get much reaction out of me. I did not get him anything because I didn’t. We don’t have that type of relationship. His birthday is next month and I already have that planned out. Now I do give some credit to the mother’s who hold it down because it’s hard BUT it’s not their day. Mother’s day is and always be the bigger day….lol…So during Father’s day I took the time to send personal messages to all of the father’s are there for their families. The ones that are not there get no attention. I appreciate men that love their families. No one is perfect but as long as you keep trying you are alright by me.

    E

  2. I got daddy issues…just like anyone else. We have an odd relationship (seriously, every few months/years he asks me: “am I like a dad to you? or more like a cool, rich uncle?” and I figure, if you have to ask…), but for the most part, it works. And I still wish him a happy father’s day, b/c even though I’m not a daddy’s girl (per se) and he isn’t like the dads on tv…lol, he’s *my* dad, and he’s provided, loved, supported etc.etc. (albeit, in his own weird way). Then there’s my step-dad, who dealt with me when I was a crazy little 6 or 7 year old who was convinced her parents would wind up back together and did my best to make his life hell. It didn’t work. I’m glad. lol. I spent some time with him yesterday, and it was pretty damn OSM. But, even if I wasn’t lucky enough to have these two men in my life, I know some pretty OSM men in general, and they deserve to be celebrated…without qualifiers. I don’t think qualifiers anger me as much as others (I just mostly ignore them), but I do agree that they should stop. Wish the men you know and love a happy day & keep it movin’. S/O to the deadbeats some other day. duh.Oh, I got both my dads a card. They’re so simple (my broke ass loves it)! 🙂

  3. I wouldn’t say I have serious dad issues. Me and my dad had an off and on relationship but got real close when I moved in with him after college. I’m simply trying to be a better dad than he was to my kid and hope that’s enough. I went saw my dad at the VA Cemetery on Friday as a part of my Father’s Day weekend.

    My only beef with the disclaimers is that people assume deadbeat moms don’t exist. Yall know they out there and if you don’t, it’s probably YOU! And I agree that moms shouldn’t be all “i’m the dad & the mom” on Father’s Day cuz it’s NOT the same. You’re simply a Super Mom, NOT a dad.

    I had a great Father’s Day, so that’s all that matters to me

  4. Nice read. I have a very good relationship with my dad even though my parents separated when i was 5. It has gotten even better the older that i have gotten. We bond over watching the Texans games and beer! Lol Point is, he was by no means a perfect dad. Yes, he could have been around more and i used to wish my parents woukd remarry but overall, he was a good, high expectation, dad who i could make feel guilty for yelling at me for stuff. Lol! Mothers Day is for moms. Fathers Day for dads. Celebrate the holiday the best you can even if u dont feel your own dad deserves such recognition. I hate when single moms try to hijack the day. Smh

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