Social Experiments

Shacking Up, or Shipping Out?


I read an article on Huffington Post last night about how this woman refuses to live with a boyfriend until he proposes. She loves the freedom of living in her single girl house.  The ability to have naked day everyday and things the way she wants them.  If the dishes stay in the sink for a month, so what if the boyfriend doesn’t like it.  It’s her house!

But then I started to think about all the couples I know that do live together before marriage.  Some people say it’s so they can know what they’re getting into before the big day comes.  Some are more logical and just use it as a way to save money since they spend all their time together anyway.  May not be the most romantic way to go about things, but as Jeezy told us, it’s a recession.

I’ve read studies that couples who cohabitate before marriage have a higher chance of breaking up and not getting married.  Maybe your mom was right when she said, “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”, but I see it as a “at least they didn’t spend money on a wedding and divorce two months later.”  A lot of people like to know what they would be getting in to.  I think others would rather ward off complacency and  have something to look forward to as newlyweds.

All of these make sense for the most part.

I have a convoluted view on shacking up.  I live with my boyfriend.  But I refuse to join any funds.  Or laundry.  Matter of fact, we purposely found an apartment with two bathrooms and lots of closet space.  I know in my brain that things fall apart (intentions shatter…) and I refuse to act married when it ain’t a ring on it.  That’s the final frontier for me.  Joining of funds is for married folks.  I’m not a wifey.  I’m not the misses.  I don’t front like we share a last name.  We don’t co-sign for things.  We borrow money from each other and pay it back in a timely fashion.  I watch Judge Judy! I live in Texas.  Not trying to end up accidental common law (soooo sounds like a RomCom!).

But I think our arrangement works for us.  Because we didn’t really have any unrealistic preconceptions.  I’ve read of some women waking up and going to put on makeup before their husband wakes up so.  No.  I sleep with a scarf and a turban thingy and I don’t care how cute it is in the morning.  I have a bad habit of leaving clothes in the dryer days after they are done.  My dog is senile.  That’s just how it will be.  Granted I do make some compromises for the sanity of my household (and safety of my makeup since it was threatened to be tossed in the toilet for infringing on counter space) but that’s just how relationships work right?

Do you think people should cohabitate before marriage?  Or wait until the big day to live together?  Have you ever shacked up?  Was it for better or for worse?  Who wants to help with the screenplay for my new RomCom?!

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7 thoughts on “Shacking Up, or Shipping Out?

  1. Let’s see here. I think people should do what they feel is right for them. Simple as that. It doesnt have to make sense to anyone else as long as it’s working for the couple. That being said…I haven’t ever shacked up, but I suppose if I ever get to the point in a relationship where it really seems like a logical step for us…I’d be kinda willing to do it. The “kinda” comes into play b/c I feel the same way as ol’ girl in the article. There are some things that I like to do…that I probably wouldn’t be able to do whilst living with a boo. Funny thing is, I was literally just telling two of my homegirls that one of the concerns I had was being left alone while walking around naked. Boys equate nakedness to sex, and sometimes…I just wanna be naked. And not have sex. Not a lot of the time, but sometimes. His lack of understanding this could create a problem. IDK what kind of problem…but I foresee it being really hard to explain to him that me sitting on the couch naked is not always a sign of me being ready for fun. *sigh* Anyway, I digress. I have a roomie…who I love and share similar views with on how clean the house should be, etc etc…and we still have totally different ways of doing things. I’m sure just like we work it out, I could work it out with a boo, but…we’ll see.

    When does the romcom writing commence? I’m down. 🙂

  2. I use to be really opposed to shacking up, for the simple fact I was young and wasn’t looking for a relationship. Now that I’m older, I don’t see anything wrong with it. If it’s for all of ‘my’ right reasons. I don’t plan to live with my mate without intentions of marrying her. People reasons are different though..

  3. my question is, if you are going to live with them, share bills, share chores, share responsibility, maybe even raise a kid, why not gon and make it official? Not saying marriage is a cure all, but if you are going to do everything that married people do, except be married, why leave yourself open to the emotional, financial, and social stresses. At least you have some legal protections under marriage.

    I can’t really talk, cause i never had a chance to shack up officially, unless weekends on campus count. so who knows what i may have done. but if its working as an understanding, it will work as a marriage, right?

  4. Pingback: Open Friday: I’m Pregnant But I Want To Date « From Ashy to Classy

  5. Pingback: shacking up and why it’s totally bogus « en deshabille

  6. For me, shacking up isn’t an option. I have been divorced once and I have a son and exposing him to a man and possibly his family will inevitably lead to an attachment which will be pretty painful if there is a break down the road. Statistically, there will be a break if you cohabitate before marriage. Either way you run a risk, but I feel marriage is a bit less risky (probably because it’s so expensive and difficult to get out of!)

  7. Pingback: Caught The Garter, Now What? « From Ashy to Classy

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