Social Experiments

A Conversation with CHIVALRY


Dear Pandora,

The thoughts contained within the Pandoras Box Blog came across as sincere, authentic, and truly rooted in hope and encouragement. It’s funny that you addressed some of the woes that currently afflict healthy relationships because I was interviewing a fellow just the other day; he addressed some issues that he was having when trying to help men find a suitable companion. He was struggling with his desire to remain true to himself and being overwhelmed with the sense of “changing his style” after seeing the pathetic. albeit massive success, that today’s man had when speaking the love language of this new “independent”, if you will, woman. So, Pandora I will seek to offer one man’s perspective, not to insinuate that he speaks for me or all men, but one man who once held the eye of plenty and now is spoken of as mere folklore.

This distinguished gentleman said he was once the “wingman” of knights and noblemen. He taught them in the areas of courtesy, generosity, and valor. When they entered the room together, while he was along side these great men, he was never overlooked and often came highly regarded and highly praised from other men as well as, most importantly, ever woman they encountered. He was smooth, genuine, while yet modest and true. When I asked him what changed, he simply smiled kicked his feet up and responded, “I’m not sure”.

He talks of a day where women respected themselves. They mastered the art of being sexy and alluring without undressing on the first night or making the first move. They were not prostituting themselves on twitter or capitalizing on tricks they learned with the self made “ASS CLAPPING” videos they star in. The women he knew, knew their worth and relished the chase. They understood the courting came with boundaries and understood making their “Knight in Shining Armor” wait with baited breath at their every whim. These women had class, true beauty both inside and out, and their awareness of who they were, captivated these young knights and deeply impressed my transparent “interviewee”.

So I looked him straight in the eye and asked, “What needs to change?”

The older gentleman stopped rocking in his chair, sat up straight and looked in my eyes with a paralyzing glare and simply said, “WOMEN NEED TO CHANGE…SO THAT THE MEN PURSUING THEM HAVE TO.” He said that everyone wants to focus on the men with their skinny jeans, sagging below their butt. They want to focus on the appearance of cowardice when men text and approach them on social networking and dating sites (even though this is where most women spend their time checking for and on men). He said that women have forgotten that they dictate the flow of every relationship they are in. They can’t seem to separate the reality of what it takes to make a relationship work and the idealism of what they would like THEIR relationship to represent. Simply put he said with all sincerity, “TODAY’S MEN ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE, BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE TO BE”.

After making this statement, the old man went back to rocking in his chair and said, “so when today’s women is approached by a guy that I have trained and molded like the knight’s of old, THEY DON’T WANT THEM because they aren’t “tough” enough; or they say, because THEY HAVE ACHIEVED  more in education and professionally than the women before them, “if he doesn’t have a degree and ain’t bringing more than me to the table, I can’t fool with him”. He said that those women have missed the both. They have forgotten that they were created to be along side their mate and not in front of him, challenge him, love him, support him… all while handling their business too. “But at the end of the day, ” he said, “what do I know….today’s woman says that I’M DEAD….but in reality, they have CHOSEN to SETTLE instead of waiting for me to arrive with the man of their hearts desire.”

I thanked CHIVALRY for his time and encouraged him to keep training, molding and guiding those who were willing to endure. We both acknowledged that they were a dying breed, but we also agreed that if women took more ownership of their decision making and started holding men accountable to realistic standards and not mainstream media, maybe we start to see a change.

Until Next Time…Caesar

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11 thoughts on “A Conversation with CHIVALRY

  1. As a woman I agree. I know before I talked about the dudes who try to run the “say Red” line on me and I figure that they do it because at one point in time Red, did go over and talk to them and give her number with just that simple line. And if that’s what you want, then ok. If not, keep moving until you get what you want, or what works for you. Might be a long wait.
    But I won’t solely blame women. I think a lot of what we learn from relationships comes from what we grow up seeing. If your dad wasn’t shit to your mom why would you be shit for any woman? How would you know what was the “right” way to go about being a suitable partner for anyone?

    • Completely agree with not blaming everything solely on a woman because I think most of what we initially do in relationships is learned. However, because what you expect from someone else is ultimately individualistic, then you need to take ownership of what you allow in your relationship or in your interactions with others.

  2. Caesar it really seems like you are blaming women for the issues that go on in relationships. That because we accept certain things its our fault for conditioning men to be jerks. Even your response to to bre was double talk (I’m not trying to be a troll but I just staunchly disagree with your perspective). Sure most girls like to mess with a bad boy every now and then, but shouldn’t that bad boy grow up and be a man? Shouldn’t men have a standard by which they treat women, that is not related to sex? We can talk about shoulds all day but lets talk about reality. The girls you are talking about in your post MIGHT deserve the cats they get if they never learn to ask for more (but that’s a whole nother blog). But when a woman has standards and wants a man with a degree, money, and looks….she is a gold digger or a delusional. It’s like a sister can’t win. if we question how you all act we are nagging, if we let you all be who you are, we are settling! damn, how do we win?

    • My intention was not to blame women for the problems they encounter with men…what someone else does is out of their control so how could it be their fault? However, I do believe that if a woman, or man, sets a specific standard for what they believe is important or what they would like to have in a relationship, then it’s up to that individual to control how they respond to the decision making and actions of those pursuing them.

      Girls who like to mess with the occasional “bad boy” is perfectly fine if that’s what they want. But for a person to believe that at some point a person is going to “grow up” based on your definition of growing up is out of your control and at some point if it’s not working for YOU, then you have to be the one to leave the relationship.

      “Shouldn’t men have a standard by which they treat women, that is not related to sex?”- Are you suggesting that all men, or most men, operate like this? I mean I believe that men and women initially size each other up by their physical attributes….most would call this attraction. But when a man can’t get passed his standard of “she have to have big breasts or a nice legs or insert body part here, that’s not something you can control. However, you can definitely control how much longer you will stay in a relationship where you are constantly objectified physically…right?

      I think your standards are your standards. If the dude has no job and you want to only deal with dudes who have jobs…so be it…that’s fine. I don’t think that makes you a gold digger. Even if your motives are to keep yourself looking right in the hopes of attracting a rich partner, instead of trying to get your own…I won’t judge you, because it’s up to that rich guy to decide if he is comfortable with carrying you in a relationship. He can’t control your motives, but he can control his bank account.

      Sisters can win…they really can. But you can’t expect to control what the guy is wanting to bring to the table. If your questioning is perceived as nagging…and you don’t like to be considered a nag…leave! If you let a man continue to “do him” in your relationship and it is causing you to be unhappy which leads you to believe you might be settling…unfortunately that’s YOUR FAULT! You don’t have to stay in a relationship feeling that way. But to think that you are going to dictate how others respond in a relationship is foolishness PERIOD!

      • Why shouldn’t I expect a boy to grow into a man? to learn from his mistakes and do better? I’m supposed to have enough wisdom to recognize that its not all sugary and roses and bounce, but what about the reason I’m leaving? When will we address the Peter Pan mentality in young men today?

        I am simply questioning your theory. Men don’t do better cause they don’t have to….that says a lot about the character of the men you speak. WHERE IS THE INTRINSIC MOTIVATION FOR A MAN TO TREAT A WOMAN WITH RESPECT? even when she is not always requiring it. Just b/c you can do something doesn’t mean you should. I’m not talking about attraction, I’m talking about men doing what they gotta to do to smash and then making moves. Or dissing a girl b/c she don’t make her ass clap!! I expect guys like you all to be standard bearers and call men to carpet, not excuse their behaviour.

        I could just as easily say that because men have become so enamored with strippers, adult movies, and video vixens, that women have lowered their standards to meet men’s gaze.

        I think this is good dialogue to have

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