Lust and Love / Media Madness

Pandora’s Box

Today’s post is from a reader that really had to get somethings off their chest.  So here it is, I “give it to them just how it come to me, Real and unedited, not like it be on T.V” – (anyone that can tell me where that quote came from is Suave) 

If you have any familiarity with the story of Pandora and her box, you know that when she opened it, out of it flowed every form of evil, but what remained was hope. I believe this is reminiscent of my state of being from time to time, ESPECIALLY when it comes to romantic relationships, except for the evil part, I would consider it all chaos rather than out right evil. With that being said, the flow of this blog will be chaotic, but will HOPEFULLY pull together at the end.
 First things first, when did it become okay to ask a woman out on a date via facebook (or any social media forum) or text messages? So a man no longer has enough character to pick up the phone or ask a woman face to face for her time? And WHEN did it become okay for a husband to text his wife admitting to his infidelity (I wish this was only a scenario, and not a real life situation)? What on earth makes a man think this is acceptable? What is the root of such cowardice & cold-hearted behavior?
 Why is it that morality rests on the shoulders of women? Men are praised for promiscuity and women are practically condemned. Why is there a difference? What’s the root of it all?
 Ladies, why are we lowering our standards and accepting anything men throw at us as if we’re stray dogs (I have fell prey to this shenanigans too SMDH)? “I ain’t got no job, but I got ambition…” AMBITION ain’t paying bills, and it show ain’t about to pay for this meal!!! BROKE FOLKS SHOULD NOT DATE!! “ I ain’t sayin’ I’m a gold digga, but…” you finish the rest (sidenote- I am not a fan of Kanye, but I agree with him on this one). I digress…
 Ladies, believe it or not, there are good men on Earth. I’ve happen to come across a few in passing. I’ve learned by default that you cannot convince or coerce a man into believing that you are the best thing since sliced bread or shea butter (I love that stuff, it does wonders for the skin). Manipulating a man with your beauty and/or sex is short lived. I mean let’s keep it real! We convince ourselves that if I look irresistible and if the sex is mind-blowing, we’ll be able to hook’em, and he will stick around. Yeah he might come around, but it sure as hell ain’t because you have intelligent conversation… Ask yourself this question, is he spending more time talking to me face to face, or more time talking to me while he’s hittin’ it from behind? I’m just saying. Let’s get some substance and love who we are with everything that we are. That’s the stuff that fosters substantial and lasting relationships. If you’re a mess, most likely you will attract A MESS…it ain’t rocket science.
  I read a blog the other day that men and women have a different love language, and I whole heartedly agree. There are differences in how we each give and receive love, but there are some commonalities amongst women vs men. As a woman, and most other women, there is a need and desire to connect on many layers. I need to feel safe and protected, I need intimacy (and there’s a significant difference between intimacy and sex, but that’s another conversation), I need to feel cherished and respected, and I need to NEVER (that ain’t good English, but you get my point) question where I stand with a man who is courting me. There’s more, but for time sake, I’ll move on. I’m a firm believer that when a man truly wants and desires a woman past sex you will know it without question, but then again, this theory is fallible. So how do men love? Where is the disconnect taking place between men and women that has caused us to consider love a “game”? In my eyes, we’ve deduced love to facades, walls, and an out right war to protect our hearts. Love is the ultimate state of vulnerability, so it stands to reason that if we are in proverbial “game”, then what we are displaying is an illusion of love.
I would love to hear your thoughts on these issues and possible answers to my questions. I would ABSOLUTELY love Ceasar’s insight on the male perspective…




8 thoughts on “Pandora’s Box

  1. A few answers to some of your questions….

    Social media invitations – That’s more of a generational thing. Probably perfectly OK to an 18 year old gal to be asked out via facebook or text message.

    Texting infidelity – Shouldn’t the infidelity be the main concern? Not the method of communication?

    Double standard – “hegemonic masculinity” – google it

    Lowering our standards? Don’t have an answer for that one, but proclaiming that “broke folks shouldn’t date” seems to be quite the blanket statement. I hope you never end up “broke” one day and therefore cut off from the opposite sex.

    “So how do men love?” – Question can’t be answered. Interprets 49 percent of the world’s population as a monolithic group of clones. Classic case of overgeneralization.

  2. Ed you on that bull!! It might be okay to ask a girl out on a date via text or FB but the rest of that stuff is wrong!! A man shouldn’t cheat, but if he does, he should have the balls to tell me to my face! That’s like a “boy” breaking up with his gf via text, “the method of communication” is not the main concern but it makes it worse when the news is not delivered properly, i.e. face to face or at least a voice call.

    Broke people shouldn’t date traditionally, they should find some cheap stuff to do. But don’t take me nowhere you can’t afford, that’s lame! Ain’t nothing wrong with a sister having some financial standards for her mate, especially if she meets or exceeds those standards!!! Men have physical standards for women, women are smarter by having some standards that amount to something!!

    Lastly, a lot of men are weak at showing love. they don’t have a problem rubbing on you when they want some but any other time they think muting sportscenter while they do the hockey highlights is giving us some attention.

    I think she made some good points about how women need to handle themselves. Good job Pandora!

  3. Like I said, why be concerned about the method of someone informing you they cheated on you? Shouldn’t the relationship be over right then? Worrying about whether it’s face to face or via text message is akin to worrying about the floral arrangements in the Titanic’s dining rooms.

    “Broke people shouldn’t date traditionally” – “Traditionally” is a scary word choice. Whose definition? I would hope that no one would take you somewhere they couldn’t afford (or buy a TV they couldn’t afford, or buy a car they couldn’t afford, etc.). Dating does not always equate to fancy dinners and those new movie theaters with leather recliners. You’re right – nothing wrong with financial standards. One just shouldn’t be surprised if those standards do more to isolate him/her than to ensure you find a man/woman wealthy enough for their tastes.

    “A lot of men are weak at showing love” – Once again, “A lot” is a scary word choice. “A lot” according to whom? Random sampling? Stratified sample? Or personal experience? Blanket statements like that are logically problematic, particularly if they’re based on personal experience.

  4. The method of delivery matters because its is throwing salt on the wound, but it’s not that big a deal in the scheme of things.

    Traditional dates are the type of things that most people do on dates. if you asked random folks here in the states “what are typical things people do on dates?” you get the traditional answers, movies, dinner, shows, trips, etc. I am suprised at the isolation from having socioeconomic standards. I want a brother that is articulate, degreed (or similarly educated to myself), and that doesn’t need me to co-sign for much. I don’t think I’m asking for a lot but as a woman, in a major city, I am telling you this is not easy to find.

    Once again this entire convo is about generalizations. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part men don’t do well with showing emotions and affection. That’s not a scary word choice, its a widely accepted ideal.

    My issue is that there are sooo many voices out here telling women what to do and I feel that men get a pass. That men can are going to be men and its up to women to shape how we are treated. That to me is not fair. Where are the blogs and magazine articles and movies telling men to get their *ish together? and when the blogs are written (like this one), the authors ideals are picked apart with fine tooth comb.

  5. Hmmm…ok. I think i grasp the direction Pandora was trying to go in but failed to identify with most of what was thrown out here as being an issue. Personal experience is always a teacher of sorts, but when the attempt is made to equalize those experiences with only the negative outcomes, it will ALWAYS leave the person at an impasse. Male or Female.

    The reference to using social media or other forms of technology to interact is really a sign of the times. I mean, plenty of people really don’t have time to wait for the pony express to deliver a hand written invitation, so that Evite will work just fine. Taking offense to a method of contact (unless it’s straight offensive) only limits your next round of invites.

    As for the: “BROKE FOLKS SHOULD NOT DATE”…does this really mean anything other than: I support the Money, Hoes and Clothes logic? It’s impossible to call into question societal acceptances with questions like “Ladies, why are we lowering our standards and accepting anything men throw at us as if we’re stray dogs” while co-signing to the basic ideas that keep the proverbial ball rolling. If you can’t find ways to make the little and less costly things in life feel great because of who you are with, lack of money may not be the most pressing issue here.

    As for the entire last 2 paragraphs, men and women differ on plenty of stuff. It’s impossible to even say all women like/want this and all men hate/do this. Each and every person is capable of creating an environment around them that caters to what they want and need, based solely on what they accept and convey. If you don’t like drama, don’t let it past the front door. if you don’t want some dude using you for sex, stop giving it up until you see it’s going some where.If you want to be mentally intrigued seek out the men in the bookstore and not the ones on the block or in the club.

    **In ref to the #6 comment: “sooo many voices out here telling women what to do and I feel that men get a pass….That men can are going to be men and its up to women to shape how we are treated. That to me is not fair. Where are the blogs and magazine articles and movies telling men to get their *ish together? and when the blogs are written (like this one), the authors ideals are picked apart with fine tooth comb”

    As long as women keep buying into that nonsensical thinking those blogs/magazines/radio and tv shows will continue to promote it. Every time you buy a gossipy magazine, purchase some garbage music thats banging in the club and tune into the hottest reality tv shows you are making it the truth for yourself. Women SHOULD be responsible for shaping how they are treated and also for sidelining the garbage that comes their way. You can’t have it both ways.

  6. Larkin once wrote ‘books are a load of crap’ in the wondeful poem ‘A study of reading habits’. Let’s face it Facebook is a load of shit…innit? As I see it….too many people are finding themselves disinhibited by such social media…and both men and women (it appears to me) are players on this stage. I don’t want to get all post-modernisty right now and bemoan the whole damaging to our psyche and sense of reality shit…but the whole basis of facebook and others is about the presentation of the self…Pandora – you want real..then step away from the artificial cesspit that you rightfully is crapola and it is destroying too many relationships and people’s sense of self and boundaries of behaviour. PS, Shea butter…must give it a whirl. Thankyou HC

Speak on it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s