Lust and Love / Real Talk, No Kevin Hart / Social Experiments

Success Vs. Kids: Who wins?


I was chopping it up with one of my boys that I have known since high school.  Through it all, he still finds time to put up with “the recluse” (that’s the nickname I gave myself).  We were doing the normal catching up; how’s work, what you been up to, how is the family, etc.   It was a great conversation and helped me not go crazy as I navigated 59, 610 (by the Galleria), and then 290 traffic on my expedition home.  I couldn’t help but flashback to Sr. year in high school, we were at his house, probably eating his mom’s etouffe, and I remember saying these words:

“I ain’t NEVER HAVING KIDS! EVER, EVER, EVER!!  I’m going to be single for the rest of my life, I ain’t never getting married.  I want to be the rich uncle that spoils my boys’ kids and sends them home!”

Before we left to go out that night, his mom stopped me at the door and told me, (paraphrased) Because you hang out with my son, I know you’re good people. And if you become the strong black man that I think you are capable of becoming you better have some damn kids.  You better raise some little kids to be like you and be successful.  Hell, its better you all have kids and raise them right, than all the shaquaqua’s poppin out babies all over the place. Now don’t go out and make no babies tonight, but when you ready, you all will be great daddies. I wasn’t trying to hear one word.  I even went so far as to bet his mom that I would be the last one of the group to get married or have kids.  I lost that bet, I wasn’t the first, but I wasn’t the last! 

Enough about me, let’s talk about my boy’s momma, or at least what she said.  I think she was on to something bigger than the three of us standing in that hallway.  She spoke on a situation that sparks a lot of controversy in certain circles.  Why don’t successful black people WANT to have children?  When we speak of success kids are last on the list, almost like a consolation prize.  Or if we do have kids we put a cap on it.  I had one cat tell me he was going to name his kid “Calipari” cause it was one and done.  This would almost be okay if we, us degreed bougie black folks, weren’t the first one to talk reckless about the Antonio Cromarties of the world. (I think we all agree he needs to stop, C’MON MAN)

In other cultures, it is common for couples to have at least a starting 5 for a basketball team and sometimes give the Duggars a run for their money!  And they do it on purpose!  But not us, we seemingly don’t WANT kids.  But that doesn’t make sense to me.  Wouldn’t we want a bunch of mini me’s running around?  If we turned out okay, wouldn’t it make sense to bring a few Juniors and III’s into the world to, if for nothing else, have someone to leave our wealth too?  It’s popular for bloggers to write these letters to their hypothetical children giving hypothetical advice about hypothetical situations.  Really?  But you 45 tho?  With no prospects.  I’m not suggesting that people just go out and start Cromartieing© but can we at least want to have some kids.  Can we make that part of the plan?

 I am all for education and achievement.  I certainly believe that you should bring children into this world once you have a stable position in life, but if we wait until we have arrived to have kids it might be too late.  I don’t want you be 30 at your kids H.S. graduation, but I don’t want a generation of 60 year olds at college graduations. 

 What do you all think?  Do you think having kids is part of being successful?  Do you have to choose success over having kids?  Why is it popular for yuppie black couples to not have children? Is that a even an issue?  Should we all aim to get our Duggar on?

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2 thoughts on “Success Vs. Kids: Who wins?

  1. I’ve had this conversation many times with parents, other relatives, and with my boys alike. I’m pretty impartial as to whether or not I have kids. If it happens, I’ll live. If it doesn’t, I’m not gonna die. My basic reasoning is I’m too selfish. I would never want to give up all of my disposable income to take care of someone not named “Me.” I don’t want to have to spend time entertaining or cleaning up after someone else when I’d rather spend that time doing whatever it is I want to do. I don’t like being obligated to do anything that doesn’t benefit me. Responsibility is overrated. Simple as that. As much as I love being an uncle and spoiling my brother’s kid and the kids of close friends, I don’t see that ever changing. I think I might get a puppy to start off. If I can make that work then maybe my views will change. If not, well…there’ll be an addition to the dog shelter.

  2. I was on that ShoeBag lifestyle, till I got that late text, that I think I’m late text. Most of the time I think those “educated” black folks like to plan their lives out. So they plan to be on a career path, plan to have a significant other by a certain time and plan to have or not have kids by a certain time. I get the point of planning, but if in real life going by a plan you’ll never be ready for a kid. I mean who can tell me how much you need to have saved before you have your first kid…don’t worry I’ll wait.

    It’s a crazy ironic world, the smart educated folks are the ones we need having 7 kids, not Big Nu Nu from around the block who got 7 kids, 6 baby mommas and a part-time gig at the local rim shop.

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