I was chopping it up with one of my boys that I have known since high school. Through it all, he still finds time to put up with “the recluse” (that’s the nickname I gave myself). We were doing the normal catching up; how’s work, what you been up to, how is the family, etc. It was a great conversation and helped me not go crazy as I navigated 59, 610 (by the Galleria), and then 290 traffic on my expedition home. I couldn’t help but flashback to Sr. year in high school, we were at his house, probably eating his mom’s etouffe, and I remember saying these words:
“I ain’t NEVER HAVING KIDS! EVER, EVER, EVER!! I’m going to be single for the rest of my life, I ain’t never getting married. I want to be the rich uncle that spoils my boys’ kids and sends them home!”
Before we left to go out that night, his mom stopped me at the door and told me, (paraphrased) Because you hang out with my son, I know you’re good people. And if you become the strong black man that I think you are capable of becoming you better have some damn kids. You better raise some little kids to be like you and be successful. Hell, its better you all have kids and raise them right, than all the shaquaqua’s poppin out babies all over the place. Now don’t go out and make no babies tonight, but when you ready, you all will be great daddies. I wasn’t trying to hear one word. I even went so far as to bet his mom that I would be the last one of the group to get married or have kids. I lost that bet, I wasn’t the first, but I wasn’t the last!
Enough about me, let’s talk about my boy’s momma, or at least what she said. I think she was on to something bigger than the three of us standing in that hallway. She spoke on a situation that sparks a lot of controversy in certain circles. Why don’t successful black people WANT to have children? When we speak of success kids are last on the list, almost like a consolation prize. Or if we do have kids we put a cap on it. I had one cat tell me he was going to name his kid “Calipari” cause it was one and done. This would almost be okay if we, us degreed bougie black folks, weren’t the first one to talk reckless about the Antonio Cromarties of the world. (I think we all agree he needs to stop, C’MON MAN)
In other cultures, it is common for couples to have at least a starting 5 for a basketball team and sometimes give the Duggars a run for their money! And they do it on purpose! But not us, we seemingly don’t WANT kids. But that doesn’t make sense to me. Wouldn’t we want a bunch of mini me’s running around? If we turned out okay, wouldn’t it make sense to bring a few Juniors and III’s into the world to, if for nothing else, have someone to leave our wealth too? It’s popular for bloggers to write these letters to their hypothetical children giving hypothetical advice about hypothetical situations. Really? But you 45 tho? With no prospects. I’m not suggesting that people just go out and start Cromartieing© but can we at least want to have some kids. Can we make that part of the plan?
I am all for education and achievement. I certainly believe that you should bring children into this world once you have a stable position in life, but if we wait until we have arrived to have kids it might be too late. I don’t want you be 30 at your kids H.S. graduation, but I don’t want a generation of 60 year olds at college graduations.
What do you all think? Do you think having kids is part of being successful? Do you have to choose success over having kids? Why is it popular for yuppie black couples to not have children? Is that a even an issue? Should we all aim to get our Duggar on?