There’s a trailer for a Nicholas Sparks movie where the main character, incredibly hot and yet somehow modest male, tells the female lead, natural beauty with little to no makeup that makes you think of Vision of Love Mariah Carey, not crazy in the bathtub Mariah Carey, “you deserve to be told you’re beautiful every minute of every hour”. Something along those lines. Now, I’ve never seen a Nicholas Sparks movie, no, not even The Notebook, or read one of his books, but from what I can tell about his movies, they all seem to go this way. People making romantic yet logistically impossible confessions of love. And we buy into it cause who wouldn’t want to hear that coming from a hottie like Zac Efron (he’s legal right???)?
I read my fair share of Chick Lit. It’s usually a late 20s, early 30s female character with a mediocre job and great friends and they go through whatever and she has some crappy relationships and in the end after a few trials, the guy goes through some hoops or other grand gesture to prove that he is in fact the one for her and the story ends. I know that story. I’ve written that story! That’s basically every Kate Hudson movie ever. Women love it. Guys sit through it. But no matter what, after being bombarded with the bubbly feelings for two hours, you come out of it reflecting on your own love life.
If you’re single then you either become hopefully that Kate Hudson’s life will happen to you and you’ll have a few laughs and comedic stumbles along the way, but eventually you will get some guy giving you flowers in the rain or writing a song about you or holding a jukebox up to your window. And if you’re a single guy…I don’t know what they think. Paula Patton will let them skeet skeet? Is that a grand gesture? I don’t know.
Or maybe you start to hate love and everything it stands for because everyone knows that nobody gets Kate Hudson’d. Nobody you know anyway. Maybe you heard about someone’s coworker’s cousin got proposed to at the SuperBowl or whatever, but you also heard about that same person naming their kid La-a. Luh dash a. So you’re wary of things you don’t witness first hand. I get that. And then you start to focus on the minor details. Kate Hudson’s nails were blue one scene and then red the next one?! Movies are bullshit! That love letter slants to the right clearly written by a left handed person but Zac was clearly right handed! I hate love!
And if you’re boo’d up (whatever your definition of that word is) then it’s probably not going to be nice thoughts going through your head. “Why we ain’t never made out in the rain?” Perms don’t do well in rain. Weave does even worse. Natural hair swells up. Curls go frizzy. “When do I get my name spelled out in flowers in the parking lot at my job?!” Traffic. Flowers are expensive. Plus you don’t need any more strikes against you anyway. “Why my girl don’t walk around the house matching lingerie and cooking steaks for me?” Bare skin and hot stoves don’t mix. I burnt my arm making breakfast tacos and I was fully clothed. Imagine naked damage. Not sexy.
Or maybe once upon a time waaaaaaaaaaay back when you and boo thang got together and there were flirty emails or texts, or actual hand written letters (#throwback) but then life got going and things happen and you got complacent and maybe you can’t remember the last time you actually spoke each other’s names to each other. And then it’s a silent ride home in the car mad about what you used to do.
So does that mean that we should all skip the Kate Hudson or Nicholas Sparks flicks or not even indulge in a little romantic light reading? I think not. I think on some level it might bring you some hope that someone somewhere is getting some kind of love. Or maybe one day that love will happen to you. Art is supposed to be an imitation of life right? The Taj Mahal is a great example of grand gestures of love. Have you never been at a restaurant and seen someone proposed to?
Where do you adjust your expectations of grandeur? Are you some Betty Crocker ass cakin ass person who constantly showers your love with compliments every minute of every day? Are you some oh I said I love you when we first met, why I gotta keep reminding you ass love Grinch? Have you gotten into it with a significant other because of a RomCom? Are you single and avoid love at all turns because you can’t stand it? Are you going to see Think Like A Man this weekend?!