I’m currently sitting in my hotel room, watching another episode of the Real Desperate Housewives of Atlanta, wondering “Why Am I Single?” Seriously, I’m young, educated, outgoing and while I will admit to being tall for a woman, I’m sexy damnit. Even at this conference, all I seem to attract are short men, white men, and old men who are old enough to be my father. All I want is a strong black man, who has a body like Tyson Beckford, intelligence like Michael Eric Dyson, the aura of Denzel Washington but still with hint of Pac…does that make sense?; is that too much to ask? Am I being superficial ? Ugh ….I can’t take it anymore. Is there any hope out there for me?
Why Am I Single?
Dear Why Am I Single,
My perspective on various topics is usually best viewed from the lens of objectivity. I think it would be foolish of anyone to try to tell you that you are being superficial, asking a lot, or that there is no hope for a person who has specific preferences in their ideal mate. However, I do believe that because you can’t change others or fashion this perfect being yourself, you may have to adjust your prospective to get what you desire. For example
You are at a lounge. You are dressed to impress, having a cocktail, and enjoying some time out with your friends. Then out of no where, two guys approach you and ask for your number. One is a white guy, athletic build dressed very well and you find him extremely attractive; the other is a black guy, athletic build, dressed nice as well, but you don’t find him attractive at all. Who you giving your number to? If you said the white guy, don’t feel weird about it. The primary and most important difference between the two, is actually not WHAT color they were, but how YOU felt about them. Your attraction level SHOULD overrule your preference in that scenario. Now once you give your number, and you engage them I’m conversation you will be able to asses whether or not they are bringing anything else to the table…you know that “staying power” factor to keep a relationship going.
There’s nothing wrong with having a preference, but avoid allowing your preference to serve as your rule. If everything you like about a person is there but they happen to be short…don’t allow that one surface issue keep you from pursuing something more. I think when we do that, we limit ourselves and shirt circuit our potential happiness. Hope that helps.