Lust and Love

It’s Not Me, It’s You


I am a passive person.  Nonchalant at times (probably to a fault) and generally indirect.  Due to my non-confrontationalistic ways, I find myself in a lot of situations that are mildly uncomfortable and majorly annoying.  If I could just work up the words or nerve or gumption or whatever to be a more direct person, I would probably find myself less likely to watch over people’s things as they spend 10 minutes in the restroom, or having my ear chatted off in the grocery store line listening to the most asinine stories of fellow Kroger shoppers.

Normally this makes me come across as a nice person.  That’s because the thoughts in my head are only for me to hear.  But these are brief encounters with people I’ll never see again (except for that checkout guy who blows kisses) so at worst I just lost a few minutes of time.  But how does this passiveness work in a relationship type setting?!

A friend and I were discussing how to let someone off the hook without being a grade-A bitch to them.

Lots of people think that the best way to be with people is upfront, but I’m not sure how often that happens in real life. I’d love to tell people that I can see the glue on their lace front, or that maybe they shouldn’t have worn spandex…all spandex. I do like everyone else and whip out my phone to tweet about it instead.

Is that the best way to go? Thinking someone will get the hint when you cancel/reschedule dates? Or spend the entire time together on your phone.  Or just meet up to get the good good and then go home?  Cause that seems to be the way most people get it done.  A gradual phase out until the unwanted party gets the hint and realizes you don’t want them around.  If you’re lucky that might take a week or two. And if you’re unlucky you might end up picking outChinapatterns.

So what works for you? We all have been in situations where you don’t want to be around the other person any more.  Do you just sit them down and straight up say “hey, I don’t want you around” or do you wait it out and hope you don’t ever have to meet their parents? And then if you just happen to bump into them again you deal with getting the cold shoulder.  How does that go?

Let me know how the “It’s not you, it’s me” cliché has worked, if ever, or how you deal with getting people out of your way.  I need to free up some time in my life to sit and blog! 

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4 thoughts on “It’s Not Me, It’s You

  1. Good morning.

    For me it really depends on the situation. If it’s a female I normally just don’t include her and if she is included in other group functions then I’m cordial. If it’s a dude I have been known to say, “This is not going to work. We obviously do not want the same things OR I just don’t think we are a good fit.” It doesn’t mean he is bad, he is just not for me. When I was younger, I would flat out tell my girlfriends that what they had on was a mess and then help them find something that was more flattering. If they do the same today, I will still say something but I attempt to use more tact. I don’t want to hurt their feelings but what type of friend am I if I let them walk out looking a hot azz mess? When I bump into ex’s, old boo’s, random dudes that didn’t work out from jump I will still say hi. Awkward is what you make it. I don’t do awkward at all. I don’t see the point in it. I guess I would feel awkward if there was an attempt on my life and now we are in the same room again….. but I think that’s fear…. hmmmm…

  2. Interesting. Speaking strictly in terms of friends, you should be able to bluntly tell your close homegirl that the glue on her lace front is showing or your homeboy that he smells less than fresh without fear of hurting their feelings as they know your comment is coming from a place of care and honesty (assuming they consider you a close friend). Now, if a person is just an acquaintence and ya’ll are just “cool”….there is never way to say something to them without them potentially thinking you said it to just be a “hater” or whatever. However, if it is a friend that I no longer want to associate with, i just stop inviting them places and then when the time arises, tell them WHY I feel we should stop hanging.

    In relationships, I have found that i have absolutely no problem at all telling a guy that I do not like him . I’ve always said i’m honest to a fault. If I don’t want to be around you then I do not drop hints, i just say it. Probably why I don’t have that many ex’s as friends. I literally told a guy once that:

    “I don’t know what I want. I like you today but i may not tomorrow…that’s kinda how i can be.”

    Most would advise not to say that and made me sound immature but I literally get stressed out when i feel like i’m lying and when I have someone hanging on me that I don’t want. The reverse, I get stressed out when I know a guy isn’t being honest with me so my motto is basically: Treat them the way you want to be treated or say it to them the way you would want someone to say it to you.

    • did you really tell a dude:

      “I don’t know what I want. I like you today but i may not tomorrow…that’s kinda how i can be.”

      What was his reaction? I am not sure how i would handle that in the moment. I might try to laugh it off so as to not show how flabbergasted i was. lol That’s good stuff.

  3. With girls, I’m exactly like Erica. I just stop inviting you to group stuff and stop initiating the “girl, let’s do lunch/dinner/brunch, etc.” talks. If she happens to be where I am, then ok…but, best believe I aint invite her. lol. Now, dudes…eh. They’re tricky…I’d like to think I’d be all upfront and stuff, but…I’m passive den a mug out loud. In my head (and on twitter…lol)…I tell people all kinds of crazy things. lol.

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