Lust and Love / Real Talk, No Kevin Hart / Social Experiments

The Price of Love

I had a great conversation with the young adults at my church.  We were talking about love and how it’s so different for everyone.  we talked about how it looks.different in various cultures and age groups.  You know black love this, black love that.  We got spiritual and talked about agape love and how all you need is God’s love.  it was a.great conversation, then it got real.  The question was asked, “how do you know when a man loves you?”  that’s when the convo got revealing.  The answers ranged from leaving his phone unlocked to meeting his momma.  But the answer that got the most Amen and co-signs was the one that inspired me the most.  The most popular answer was basically STUFF, expensive STUFF.  Louis bags, Prada blouse, Gucci bra, Filth Mart Jeans…….give it to me!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the young adults women at my church are gold diggers.  I think they are wonderful women, wives, mothers, leaders, and believers.  But their was a prevailing message.  Love is an expensive emotion.  No matter what Tina said, Love ain’t no second hand emotion. It is a luxury item only sold at fine boutiques and upscale malls like the Galleria.  It has become equated with wealth and status.  but I guess that makes sense when the symbol for Black Love is the President of the US and the First Lady, love had nowhere to go but up.

But is it really love that the stuff equates to?  I remember talking to my grandmother about why she stayed with my gramps for so long and through the dire times.  The answer was love.  But the way she described it had nothing to do with Birkin Hermes handbags or red bottomed shoes.  It was about connections and ties that bound them together.  About a feeling of strength and sense of pride in the support the two of them felt when they were together.  As crazy as stuff got between the two of them, I could just FEEEL THE LOVE between them.  When they woke up at 4am with no alarm clock and had coffee over curse words and smiles.  It was special.  But that was a different time.  Now you know a man loves you when he is purchasing a steady stream of 5 star luxury items.  But, what about the broke cats, like me?  What does that mean about the love we express?  Do we not love you because we can’t afford the finer thangs?  Are we not fit for love?  What about the cats that’s just tricking cause they got it?  Does he love you if he “pays” for it with a bad pair of pumps to compliment ya fashion sense?

Fellas, is ya girl only in love if she swings from the ceiling wearing the red bottom heels you bought her?  What happened to the Meth and Mary, Marvin and Tammy, type love? When did we trade that in for a woman that can upgrade us or that only needs us for that good lovin?  Love used to look different and it wasn’t that long ago either.  I am not sure when it changed, but it has.  What used to be ridiculed as tricking or having a trophy has now become the norm. 

Love used to look like this:

James and Florida Evans from Good Times

James sometimes didn't bring home the bacon but their was always LOVE



George and Weezy

They moved on up but never forgot the love that got them there

the winslows

Family Mattered not the paper


Bill and Claire Huxtable

the doc and lawyer never flashed their wealth in their romance

Uncle Phil and Vivian

the kids worried about the money more than they did

Martin and Gina

the love was about the EARS, hell money almost ruined them


Now it looks like this:

Heels of Love

Fake red bottom heels


I just don’t buy it. I think love is so  much more than material things, but that is not the reality.  More and more men and women associate the love that their significant other has for them with what the get, goods or goodies.  It just seems like pimping to me. 
So let me ask you all this, How do you know when someone loves you?  what really signals that its real? Should a man that loves you be expected to get you those high dollar items to prove it or is rubbing your feet enough?  talk to me!

9 thoughts on “The Price of Love

  1. Love is knowing when I need a hug and just giving it to me. Love is supporting my hobbies even if they don’t make sense to you. Love is being able to be quiet together. Love is not giving up. Love is priceless.

    Now that I have said all of that what I have learned is love is what you were raised with. I was speaking with a friend about the 5 Love Languages and how you have to understand how a person loves in order to be able to show them love. (I hope that makes sense) Gifts is a way that some people feel that they are loved. You have to find out if that’s how their parents and family showed them love. If so then that is how they feel you care. I think it’s only when that love comes with a price tag that it’s wrong. My cousin loves when her boyfriend gives her things. It could be her favorite dessert to the new ipod but it’s the fact that he was thinking of her enough to buy something. For me that’s not going to work. I like to receive gifts but it doesn’t make me feel loved. I think you like me but not love. Now, if you arrange a situation where there is Quality tiime then you will be working on me. I enjoy spending time with a person. This comes from my mother. She was sick most of my life so we did a lot of indoor activities. We talked and laughed together. Even when I was in college when I would come home I would get coffee and we would watch cartoons together. My father on the other hand shows his love by giving me things. He always has some gift or cash for me. That’s how the family is as a whole. I love them but there are times that I just don’t fit. I don’t see them as money grubbers I just see them as their love language being gifts.

    Love can be shown many ways and you have to find the person that’s a good match for you.


    • I understand the five love languages. I think that the language of Gifts is becoming the official language of love. I hear a lot of talk about what a man has to have before he can be considered worthy of a woman’s time. and I hear a lot of talk about what a woman needs to do to keep her man happy. I just wonder what happend to the love that was good because it sustained a family? What happened to the love Lenny was singing about?

  2. Love has no doesnt matter if he showers me with gifts because a man can do that and its just a front he puts on. My man is not wealthy & the Love we share is about how we treat each other.i would rather snuggle up with him coming home with a homemade card & movie then RED BOTTOM HEELS & a COACH PURSE. YEa those things are nice,BUT they are MATERIAL OBJECTS.I WOULD RATHER HAVE A LOVE LIKE GOD HAS LOVE FOR US THEN OUR LOVE BE BASED ON WORLDLY POSSESSIONS.U CANNOT TAKE A COACH PURSE TO HEAVEN(: i love my man for the simple gestures he does.

  3. I’ve seen this trend more-so recently but even before Janet said “what have you done for me lately” people have expected to show love by things. I think the best idea is in your blog itself where it says love should be about: “connections and ties that bound them together. About a feeling of strength and sense of pride in the support”. This is best taught by example.

    • It’s tough to teach this by example when most of the examples of love that we see are via entertainment. and those examples are all about the loot. What are we to do when all the examples we see are materialistic?

  4. Lot’s of thoughts about this… I will however quote John 3:16…. For God so Loved the world that he GAVE….. LOVE ALWAYS GIVES… The ENEMY… ALWAYS TAKES… (John 10:10 )
    I encourage the young ladies we are blessed to mentor to MEASURE LOVE by how much a man GIVES. (Not how much it COST’s, But more, How much it COSTS HIM!)

    (Don’t want to get too deep) But, the ideas of covenant that were the building blocks of “real-ationships”, during biblical time, literally require (among other things) an EXCHANGE of GIFT’s, property, even STATUS! A “you take mine and I’ll take yours” mentality! We have somehow traded that for these “what’s mine is MINE and what’s yours is YOURS” prenuptial type relationships where no one is INVESTED! That way it’s easier to walk away.

    So now, even when I give you something… It is with the guise that I either, want something back from you… or (if you got it like that) am just throwing cash around because I CAN. That is a perversion of the gesture.

    My Wife doesn’t have any Manolo’s… Not because I wouldn’t give them to her… But, because she knows that, what’s MINE is HER’s and she would rather invest what’s HERS in something more valuable than that! (I think I agree… LOL)

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