I had a great conversation with the young adults at my church. We were talking about love and how it’s so different for everyone. we talked about how it looks.different in various cultures and age groups. You know black love this, black love that. We got spiritual and talked about agape love and how all you need is God’s love. it was a.great conversation, then it got real. The question was asked, “how do you know when a man loves you?” that’s when the convo got revealing. The answers ranged from leaving his phone unlocked to meeting his momma. But the answer that got the most Amen and co-signs was the one that inspired me the most. The most popular answer was basically STUFF, expensive STUFF. Louis bags, Prada blouse, Gucci bra, Filth Mart Jeans…….give it to me!!
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the young adults women at my church are gold diggers. I think they are wonderful women, wives, mothers, leaders, and believers. But their was a prevailing message. Love is an expensive emotion. No matter what Tina said, Love ain’t no second hand emotion. It is a luxury item only sold at fine boutiques and upscale malls like the Galleria. It has become equated with wealth and status. but I guess that makes sense when the symbol for Black Love is the President of the US and the First Lady, love had nowhere to go but up.
But is it really love that the stuff equates to? I remember talking to my grandmother about why she stayed with my gramps for so long and through the dire times. The answer was love. But the way she described it had nothing to do with Birkin Hermes handbags or red bottomed shoes. It was about connections and ties that bound them together. About a feeling of strength and sense of pride in the support the two of them felt when they were together. As crazy as stuff got between the two of them, I could just FEEEL THE LOVE between them. When they woke up at 4am with no alarm clock and had coffee over curse words and smiles. It was special. But that was a different time. Now you know a man loves you when he is purchasing a steady stream of 5 star luxury items. But, what about the broke cats, like me? What does that mean about the love we express? Do we not love you because we can’t afford the finer thangs? Are we not fit for love? What about the cats that’s just tricking cause they got it? Does he love you if he “pays” for it with a bad pair of pumps to compliment ya fashion sense?
Fellas, is ya girl only in love if she swings from the ceiling wearing the red bottom heels you bought her? What happened to the Meth and Mary, Marvin and Tammy, type love? When did we trade that in for a woman that can upgrade us or that only needs us for that good lovin? Love used to look different and it wasn’t that long ago either. I am not sure when it changed, but it has. What used to be ridiculed as tricking or having a trophy has now become the norm.
Love used to look like this: