Lust and Love

It’s the Middle of February, I Love You


I have been blessed to be the writer to bring you what I feel on this very special Valentine’s Day…oh yay!  Every year, the fourteenth day of the month of February has millions across the world presenting their loved ones with candy, flowers, chocolates and other lovely gifts. In many countries, restaurants and eateries are seen to be filled with couples who are eager to celebrate their relationship and the joy of their togetherness through delicious cuisines. There hardly seems to be a young man or woman who is not keen to make the most of the day.

Today is Valentine’s Day, which means that you’ll be on a quest for a gift that will get you laid without implying too much.  The Valentine’s Day gift that you give your significant other says a lot about your relationship, and if you’re not careful your gift might send the wrong message. Here’s what her Valentine’s Day gift really says:

The Practical Gift

Trusty Showerhead...no pun intended

What You Think It Says:

We’ve only been together for a short time, and I didn’t want to intimidate you by getting you something lavish and expensive, so instead I got you something that you can actually use a few times until it breaks!
What It Really Says:

We’ve only been dating for a month.  There’s no way I’m gonna empty my bank account for your gift just yet.  The item that you received from me was either a re-gift that I got from my weird cousin for Christmas, or it was right by the register at Walgreens, where I stopped to buy condoms on my way over to your place.

The Expensive Gift

Money so tall, all the women fall...

What You Think It Says:

You are so important to me that I saved up a shitload of money to buy you something really fancy.  All of your friends are going to be so jealous, and you’ll be able to show them that you’ve got the best man in the world. Plus, it was totally worth it just to see the smile on your face when you saw your gift.
What It Really Says:

The only thing I have to offer you is wealth.  I’m literally trying to purchase your love and affection and you’re going to fall for it, because this gift is f*ckin’ incredible.  Also, remember those three sex things that you’ll never let me do? Well you’re gonna let me do all of them at the same time now.

The Homemade Gift

Artsy-fartsy gifts

What You Think It Says:

This is a heartfelt gift that I made with my own two hands. I took the time, effort, and creativity to craft something original for you because you’re so unique. Also, we’ve only been dating for two weeks.

What It Really Says:

I just confirmed your suspicions that I might be mentally retarded.

The Sexy Time Gift

Ms Jackson if ya Nasty

What You Think It Says:

I enjoy getting to know you, so this Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d get you something that awakens the sex goddess inside of you.  Whether you know it or not, you’re super sexy, and it’s time you started acting like it.
What It Really Says:

I would be way more attracted to you if you could stop acting like you for a little while.

So fellas, be careful of the underlying meaning of your gift and hopefully things will work out in your favor.  To me, Valentine’s Day is a well-marketed, forced reminder to shower those you love with candy and gifts.  I’m not a big Valentine’s Day celebrator, but I’m trying to help the masses.  Oh and you’re welcome!

And on that note, I’m going to leave you all with my all-time favorite Valentine’s Day song!

Thanks for tuning in…..

BROWNLEE

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