Lust and Love

Say Red!


I’m fortunate enough to have never been faced with the task of approaching a woman and asking her for her phone number.  Although I’m sure it is done successfully every day, I’m pretty damn sure there are way more misses than hits.  Way more.  Sp let’s take a further look at what doesn’t work.

Dog; The Aggressor.

Despite my nerdy hipster look, I get hit on by a lot of thuggish ruggish dudes.  And I don’t mean maybe they had a rough childhood, or maybe they live on the wrong side of town.  I’m talking about the aspiring rappers with the gold teeth and detailed criminal records, and refuse to use their legal name type of thugs.  The scary type.  Like maybe I’m the type that will make them want to settle down and live right.  They are the aggressively forward ones that will follow you through the mall or whatever until you give them their number.  A number.  Any number.  Whatever.  Over aggression is just plain scary!  Not to mention the tattoos on your face.  I’ve seen lots of movies about prison.  I know the tear drops mean something bad.

The Catch-All

It seems as if some guys think if they cast a wider net they will catch more fish.  But then what do you do with all those fish?  I can remember being with a group of friends and getting the “say red” calls from guys we walk past.  “You! You in the blue shirt!”.  “You with the glasses!” “Say! Say! You with the wedding ring!”  “Hey you on the phone let me holla atcha.  Holla holla holla!”  “Hey you on the phone pushing your baby in the baby stroller holding hands with your dude! Say!”  You know the type.  They will ask for every girl in the groups number with ease.  I’m sure they do end up with a few numbers, but generally girls like a little bit of effort put in on the approach.  Like yeah you really wanted to only speak with her, not just ask every friend she’s with until one of them relinquishes a number (or @twitter name, however people communicate these days).

The Shy Guy

This is the guy that gets up the nerve to strike up a small conversation.  And then…nothing.  Maybe they just lose the nerve to close the deal or maybe they just ran out of things to say.  I’ll never know.  But the conversation is chock full of awkward pauses and basically is a nuisance stopping you from whatever you were on the way to do.

So what does work?  Honestly I don’t really know.  The best “lines” I’ve heard weren’t even really conducive to me giving the guy my phone number.  And women swear they want honesty from a guy but we all know that’s not real life.  Maybe open with a realistic compliment or a simple introduction?  My most memorable pick up was from a guy who  just gave me a compliment in passing.  And told me I was wearing my jeans well.  I WAS! Thanks random guy in the Starbucks parking lot.

Guys, do you have any sure fire ways to get contact information from women?  Ladies, what really impresses you when a guy wants to get to know you?  Any stories of what worked?  Any hilarious tales of failures?

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13 thoughts on “Say Red!

  1. Great post…. I’m still laughing at ”Hey you on the phone pushing your baby in the baby stroller holding hands with your dude! Say!” The reason it’s so funny is because that type of thing really does happen.

    For me the best way to approach me is with a “Hello what’s your name?” I know that sounds too simple but I enjoy men and even if I’m not attracted to the man it doesn’t mean that I will not hold a conversation. That’s the reason that you go out right? You want to have a good time when you’re out and for me talking, drinking, and dancing is a good time!

    No for the foolishness…………. When I first moved to Houston I was out with my cousins and we went to Carrington’s. We didn’t go in (it was stupid late) but we rode around the parking lot. Well this male approached the car (on my side), pulled out a wad of money and slammed it on the car while yelling “NOW GET OUT AND DANCE FOR THIS MONEY”. In my best white girl voice I yelled “OMG… STRANGER DANGER!!! CALL 911”. We both gave each other blank looks and my cousin drove away. Needless to say I have NEVER been to Carrington’s again. Welcome to Houston, TX.

  2. On Friday I met a guy who had really great witty banter! I won’t tell the whole story because by nature a retold story is never as witty but it was a win with me. Making me laugh or a genuine compliment always works!

    Let’s contrast this to the guy that got the number based on a genuine compliment and the pexted me at 2am!! Yes, that’s right, a naked in the mirror bathroom shot three hours after meeting each other. Sigh…

  3. As a sociologist, I’m forever observing people. Back in my single days it struck me just how easy it was to get to know women because the “night life”, etc was so chock full of the lames you describe above. However, you left one out (perhaps he fits in one of the first two categories) – the arm grabber. I used to see it all the time. Girl strolls by in a bar and the arm-grabber does just that – reaches out from nowhere and grabs the girls arm. Some might say he was just being assertive. I just say he committed misdemeanor assault.

  4. I agree!I usually would grab the arm grabber later in the night and he would be offended by the way I grabbed him and the things I said to him….. They don’t like it when it happens to them…..

  5. I’d like to think I’m a nice mix of all of the above…LOL. Never been an “arm-grabber” tho…I never really touch women I don’t know as a rule of thumb (or hand).

    As a guy, I don’t like the aggressive women…them “heyyyy, you kinda cute” opening line girls…mainly because most of them aint cute in return!

    I’ve never had any fool-proof line to use, I just say whatever pops in my head. My all time favorite line ever is “Give me some of that pussy, I know you got it on you!”.

  6. Someone get Brownlee and his fave line, please. lmao.

    Hmmmm, I only get approached by old guys…and I aint talkin’ like and/or insane people…so I usually dont get pick up lines so much as I get stared at like a piece of fresh ass meat by a hungry ass lion. smh. yesterday, I went to get gas (NOT at night…surprise, surprise…lol) and some dude named Meechie asked me for my number. He’d already given me some damn flyer, so I was all “oh, you’re number’s right here,” but that wasn’t good enough and I got got. 😦

    Honestly, it’d be more than a breath of fresh air if someone would just be like “you look nice today, can I have your number please?”

  7. I’m trying to figure out how Ant and Brownlee were able to procreate!! lol. if this post is true, they should be eunuchs by now, unless what ol’ buddy Cooper said has a little truth to it.

  8. I’m not trolling just voicing my opinion, but I think Ms. OhEmGee and Erica have it all wrong. I have seen soooo many girls laugh and giggle when a man hollas at them incorrectly. They front like they are upset that he would dare disrespect her by grabbing her arm but still stay there to let him spit game.

    Dj Jazzy Jeff said, “gimme yo phone number before I don’t want it no mo!! Now let’s get a bucket of chicken and get busy.” He flashed a smile and walked away with the baddest girl in the room. It happens everyday, just like that.

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