Remember when that old woman in Tyler Perry’s Family Reunion made the statment, “Is this what we paid for?” She was referring to all of the coonery and bafoonery (I know those aren’t words necessarily but you get what I’m saying) that she witnessed on the way to the shotgun house?
As I celebrated 10 years in Alpha yesterday, I started to reflect on all the memories, all the ups and downs, the brotherhood etc. I then started to wonder if I would have seen the relevance of joining one of the historic organizations that compose the “Divine 9” if I were a current college co-ed…..which has led me to today’s post. Join me as I play out my thoughts in a dialogue with the members of today’s Divine 9 Council.
Founders: What you want Ninja?
Aspirant: I was wondering if I could get some more information about your prestigious organizations. I’m thinking about joining one.
Dog Founder: Ninja is you serious? You just gone come out in broad daylight and ask openly?
Sphinx Founder: Chill out Dog, what organization were you interested in?
Kane Founder: Not ours, this ninja don’t dress fly enough.
Aspirant: But I thought you guys were founded on Achievement in Every Field of Human Endeavor?
Kane Founder: We are and that translates today as achieving in looking good, pimpin hoes, smoking dope…ninja you know how it go; you been at our parties.
Aspirant: But What about…
Dog Founder: Look little ninja. Are you ready to go through this process tho?
Aspirant: Well, i was on the national website and I saw that intake weekend was…
Dog Founder: This ninja ain’t ready (laughter ensues from the Council)… he talking about the National Intake…
Aspirant: Oh yeah. You talking about the hazing stuff? I know there’s more and I want to be real so what do I have to do.
Blue Founder: All of our organizations are non-hazing (chuckles).
Sphinx Founder: Well Pre-Pledging is a must; and this is a good time if you want to join with us. We got a bunch of stuff going on and we need someone to get all the logistical stuff together; you know taking clothes to the cleaners, driving us around so we don’t use our gas…stuff like that.
Aspirant: Well what is the lesson in that?
Dog Founder: Brotherhood ninja. If you can’t help your brothers in need, then you ain’t fit to join any of these groups.
Blue Founder: Don’t I have Chamistry with you? If you join us, I will be needing those homework assignments and the occasional looking over your shoulder.
Aspirant: But that’s cheating and unethical;
Dog Founder: Brotherhood ninja.
Kane Founder: We currently are not recognized on campus. But you can just go renegade, graduate and then join a grad chapter?
Kane Founder: yeah but don’t sweat it. We take the money you would spend for the organization and we hold it until you graduate. It gives us assurance that you are committed to us.
Sphinx Founder: And we are currently on Academic Probation; but if we get 4 of our members to get a 3.5 this semester and then take 4 of our other members of the roster, we should be back in the Fall.
Aspirant: But isn’t one of your pillars scholarship?
Sphinx Founder: How dare you challenge my Phrat?! He’s not fit for us…y’all can have him.
Blue Founder: Well can you step? Do you have rhythm? Anything resembling dance skills?
Aspirant: Not really
Blue Founder: We Out too…this ninja ain’t gone misrepresent our legacy.
Kane Founder: Well we already no your wardrobe game is faulty? How you feel about these B*thches?
Aspirant: I try to respect women at all times.
Kane Founder: We out! Got a reputation to maintain.
Aspirant: But i don’t understand how any of the things that you have talked about have anything to do with why your organizations were founded in the first place. Where’s the scholarship, the achievement, the love, the service, the manhood?
Dog Founder: Look ninja times have changed. We pledge…HARD! You either down or you ain’t. We make you sacrifice all for us! Struggling with grades, get your time management together. Can’t go run an errand for us because you have to work, call in sick. You go to do whatever you got to do to get in this organization. And by the looks of it, we all you have left? So what’s it gone be ninja?
Aspirant: So basically all you can offer me is stuff that I can accomplish without your organization?
Centaur Founder: You can always join us. We not as old as these other groups.
Aspirant: And you are?
Centaur Founder: You know what, you’re right. Never mind.
Dog Founder: Look we can offer you gaudy shoe stereotypes, a good time, and guarantees that ain’t nobody fighting you…ever.
Aspirant: Are the sororities like this too?
Sphinx Founder: Pretty much, accept they won’t let you in if you slept with they man at any time, especially if they weren’t with them at the time.
Kane Founder: They don’t let these B*tches in either if they went to other B*tches informational meetings.
Dog Founder: Well we do that to…but they focus more on whether or not a broad fits the physical stereotype of their organization…we don’t do that; well not as much.
Aspirant: Well i appreciate your time. I have a lot to think about. I mean truth be told, I’m insecure, need to have a sense of belonging with someone and i really want some letters so that chicks will notice me.
Founders: Now you starting to get it?
Aspirant: If I have more questions what should i do?
Founders: Do Your History…we mean Your Research!
Greek Members reading this post: Is this what we paid for? Non Greeks reading this post: Is this really what you want?