Welcome back WB fans! The other day I was watching football and I saw a Mercedes commercial. It showed a C-class sedan with chains tied to the back doors, then the car speeds off and the chains rip off the rear doors and turn it into a C-class coupe. Cool little commercial, but when I saw the fine print at the bottom it made me say something to myself. The fine print read, “Closed Course. Professional Driver. Do Not Attempt” and I said to myself, “What dumbass would hook chains to their new Benz sedan, speed off and hope it turns their car into a new coupe?”. Then I started to think, what kind of country do we live in to where that even needs to be said? It brought up a bunch of other stuff in my head, including plenty of dumbass warnings. Like the warning on a cup of coffee that reads “Contents May Be Hot”…if I drank coffee and ordered coffee, the shits better be hot! I understand the companies are trying to eliminate all accountability in a court of law, but there needs to be a dipshit clause built into the laws.
Then, I began to think about these “presidential candidates” as I considered the dumbasses of America. Like I could see Sarah Palin upset at McDonald’s for giving her hot coffee in a cup not marked with “Contents May Be Hot” label. Then I wondered how could you even consider a career in politics and your ass can’t speak in public? Like have you listened to Herman “Slurricane” Cain or the governor of the great State of Texas, Rick Perry speak on the fly? I’m not talking about the pre-written speeches, I’m talking about a random Q&A session. Then I considered one of these guys could soon become leader of the Free World, just because people aren’t completely happy with Obama. Are you kidding me? Could you see either of these guys speaking a foreign dictator’s fancy dinner? Epic fail. I’m not really big on politics, I’m more of a vote for the lesser of two evils kind of guy. Like no matter what a politician’s gimmick is, they are still a politician in my eyes and completely full of shit. And I’ll go on a say it, Barack is one of the smartest Presidents that I’ve seen in a while. But just because a country elects a smart president doesn’t make it a smart country.
And before I go about demonstrating how, sadly, easy it is to prove the dumbness dragging down our country, let me just say that ignorance has life and death consequences. On the eve of the Iraq War, 69% of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11. Four years later, 34% still did. Or take the health care debate that was recently had: members of Congress recessed so they can go home and “listen to their constituents.” An urge they should resist because their constituents don’t know anything. At a town-hall meeting in South Carolina, a man stood up and told his Congressman to “keep your government hands off my Medicare,” which is kind of like driving cross country to protest highways.
I’m the bad guy for saying it’s a stupid country, yet polls show that a majority of Americans cannot name a single branch of government, or explain what the Bill of Rights is. 24% could not name the country America fought in the Revolutionary War. More than two-thirds of Americans don’t know what’s in Roe v. Wade. Two-thirds don’t know what the Food and Drug Administration does. Some of this stuff you should be able to pick up simply by being alive. You know, like the way the Slumdog kid knew about cricket.
Not here. Nearly half of Americans don’t know that states have two senators and more than half can’t name their congressman. And among Republican governors, only 30% got their wife’s name right on the first try.
Sarah Palin says she would never apologize for America. Even though a Gallup poll says 18% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. No, they’re not stupid. They’re interplanetary mavericks. A third of Republicans believe Obama is not a citizen, and a third of Democrats believe that George Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks, which is an absurd sentence because it contains the words “Bush” and “knowledge.” People bitch and moan about taxes and spending, but they have no idea what their government spends money on. The average voter thinks foreign aid consumes 24% of our federal budget. It’s actually less than 1%. And don’t even ask about cabinet members: seven in ten think Napolitano is a kind of three-flavored ice cream. And last election, a full one-third of voters forgot why they were in the booth, handed out their pants, and asked, “Do you have these in a relaxed-fit?”
And these are the idiots we want to weigh in on the minutia of health care policy? Please, this country is like a college chick after two Long Island Iced Teas: we can be talked into anything, like wars, and we can be talked out of anything, like health care. We should forget town halls, and replace them with study halls. There’s a lot of populist anger directed towards Washington, but you know who concerned citizens should be most angry at? Their fellow citizens. “Inside the beltway” thinking may be wrong, but at least it’s thinking, which is more than you can say for what’s going on outside the beltway.
And if you want to call me an elitist for this, I say thank you. Yes, I want decisions made by an elite group of people who know what they’re talking about. That means Obama budget director Peter Orszag, not Sarah Palin.
It’s absolutely absurd to think how many smart people will do dumb things as a group. Like I’m sure that the percentage of college-educated Americans wouldn’t base their votes on a simple commercial or YouTube clip….would they? Things that make you say “hmmmm?”
Thanks for tuning in…..