Ladies and gentlemen of The Block, today I present to you a list that will be as important to yuppies (young urban professionals) as BIG’s 10 crack commandments were to street pharmacist. If you pay attention to this list you will have the tools to recognize game when cats get scandalous and pull voodoo. If you take heed, you will be able to clearly see if you’re relationship is Lorenz Tate spittin poetry in Love Jones or Rin and Tin in Brown Sugar, s/o to The Hip Hop Dalmatiions! So without further ado or hype, I present The Top 10 things that let you know you’re in a relationship:
1. You are allowed to TOUCH the radio in their car! The fact that you are in the car doesn’t mean much, people pick up escorts in their car all the time, but to be in the vehicle and allowed to control the music is huge, I’m talking Dom De La Reese huge! If a song comes on that you don’t like and you successfully reach for the knob and don’t come back with a stump or an “I will Cameron Diaz vanilla sky this car if you touch my radio again” look…chances are, you’re in a relationship.
2. You consider buying your boo thang a gift for any reason. Listen people, jump offs only get gifts from famous people!! I don’t know nann one of us regular folks buying gifts for someone we just met or someone we are just sorta feeling. I know family and married folks that don’t buy each other gifts for birthday’s and Christmas, I just saying tho. Times is hard, when someone is willing and happy about investing or sowing into your life with their money….chances are, you’re in a relationship.
3. You cook for them. Going out to eat is kinda of a necessary evil in the dating game. Where you eat depends more on your socio-economic status than how much you are feeling a particular person. In other words, eating a Chili’s or Pappaduex is more about the rep you trying to keep than how much you like somebody. However, cooking for someone is different. It requires much more thought, time, and trust. If you slaving over a hot stove for somebody…chances are, you’re in a relationship.
4. You share hopes and dreams. We all cake on the phone or text during the early stages of the relationship. And who can forget learning about someone’s favorite color or asking where their “spot” is back in the day. The stuff you get in the beginning is manufactured bullshananagins!! When you really understand your mate’s fears, goals, and future aspirations…chances are, you’re in a relationship.
5. You meet the parents. We major, come on homie we major!! This is a big deal. Meeting someone’s parents is special. This opens up your mate for the potential embarassment of seeing your baby pictures or pictures of old boo-thangs and even worse the Jheri Curl you rocked back in 8th grade. They also have to deal with explaining who you are and what’s going on, once you leave and where you went if ya’ll call it quits. If you get to hang with the crew, it’s a test, but meeting the parents…chances are you’re in a relationship (*note* if momma don’t make a big deal out of you coming to the crib, chances are…they do this with everyone and you ain’t in a realtionship)
6. You can use their cell phone unattended. This one is crucial. With technology being the way it is, you get access to an awful lot on someone’s cell phone. Think about the info you keep on your cell that is a simple click away; sexting text messages, bank account, pictures, phone numbers, email, facebook, twitter DM’s, access to the trash folder!! If I leave you with my phone, USING IT…chances are we in a relationship!!
7. You are willing to do some dumb Shiggidy! We all have moments where we have succomb to the temptation of the nookie and maybe did some things we were not proud of, but that’s just Supreme THIRST! What I’m talking about is the that dumb sh!T like driving 10 hours just to kick it for a 2 hours. Like waiting outside someone’s spot to make sure they ain’t cheating – wait, actually if you have to do that you in a bad relationship and should start looking for other options! But when you start intentionally knocking the cool out yo step…chances are, you’re in a relatioship.
8. When you start farting and taking dump with no shame…chances are, you’re in a relationship! (no explanation needed, but please dump and flush, be courteous)
9. When you connect mentally. You all begin to see things on the same page. Conversations turn from trivial to thought-provoking, to romantic all in one smooth transition. There is a difference in dating someone because they physically push every button you have and dating someone that stimulates your mind so much that your body can’t wait to follow. If you are having physical activity and no mental connections, your in a “situation” without a title. When you are darn near finishing each other’s sentences…chances are, you’re in a relationship.
10. You start speaking in French. WE (I know its spelled OUI, but that ain’t as clever). If you move past identifying yourself as a singular entity and begin to answer questions, requests to hang out, or making long-term plans in the plural, you got a thang going on. If someone asks what are you doing this weekend and your reply is, “I don’t know what WE are doing, what’s up?”….chances are, you’re in a relationship (or delusional but I like to think the best of people).
What are some others signs that you have moved past the preliminaries and are now officially in a relatioship? Do you still have to have titles to be official or have we moved beyond that?