This is one from the vaults of the ShoeBag, but it seems fitting for this time of year. When the temperature drops, so do the drawlz. Soon it’ll be too cold to go out every night of every weekend to go out and chase skirts. So you know what that means…it’s officially Cuffing Season out there. Or as my boy The Hoss likes to call it, “Boo-vember”. So what exactly is cuffing season? That’s when you find that person that maybe you just met, or maybe you’ve been banging them out all summer and they were such a good lay that you figured, “Hey, I think I’ll just cuddle up with this person on those cold lonely nights and watch something from Netflix.” Wait, most of yall who read this are black, so you probably hit the Redbox at your nearest Wal-Mart. Either way it’s important that you spend your Cuffing Season wisely. Oh yes, there are rules to Cuffing Season, and if they aren’t followed disaster can surely strike. So here are my 4 Rules To A Safe and Happy Cuffing Season:
1. Stop. Look. Listen. Take the time to notice your surroundings. Notice someone cute over there eye fucking you in the corner? Go over and get em. A lot of people are vulnerable around this time of year. Pay attention to your surroundings. If you don’t wanna spend the cold, harsh winter alone, it’s vital that you keep your antennas up at all times. If not, you’ll find yourself alone all Winter, spending the weekends listening to Al Green, watching Entourage, and going to sleep after you jerk it to soft core porn on SKinemax.
2. At least have some fun. Your cuffing partner must be someone that you enjoy spending time with. Some people say there’s nothing like a good conversation. Well I say there’s nothing better than a good conversation unless it is followed by a potential lay. If you don’t follow this rule, then you’ll eventually get tired of him/her and you’ll find yourself out alone (cuz all of your other friends are caked up) and downtown on a 22 degree Saturday night trying to find a last minute cuddle buddy. And that can lead to bad decisions.
3. Yield. If that’s not your official boy/girlfriend, then don’t act like it. If you know you’re not going to be that person, then be weary of people who are a little overzealous about being in a relationship. Becauseyou’ll either be too shook about losing your fa sho by trying to get some mo’ that you don’t even bother. Or maybe someone will get upset when one sees the other at happy hour hugged up with someone else. And then you end up like me…I mean the guy from #1.
4. Proceed with caution. It can be easy to become overwhelmed with the warmth of someone else during Cuffing Season. That’s why we call it Cuffing Season. You two will probably spend a lot of time indoors having some pseudo intimate conversation, where you really get to know him/her. Some half-assed feelings may come of this. But remember, here in Texas we don’t have a long cuffing season. So by the time you think you can develop something real, it’s getting warm again and people are wearing less and less clothes. It’s getting warm and now people just wanna have some spring time flings (see a
destructive cycle happening?). God forbid you live in Austin, TX and you have an affinity for white women. Game. Over. While it’s great to be physically close to someone during cuffing season, make sure it’s worth it if you wanna go the emotional route. You’ve been warned.
So there you have it. There’s really not much else I can tell you except have fun. Happy Cuffing Season. And don’t be that one asshole; wrap that shit up, B.