I have only been drunk once in my life and it was not pretty. It really just snuck up on me and came out of nowhere like a power ranger. I was drinking a poor man’s version of Incredible Hulk with fake Hypnotiq and some brown liquor Hennessey would use in their toilets. But it was there and I ain’t have nothing else to do. I was drinking 16 oz cups down like it was Kool-Aid and after about 5 or 10 (I don’t remember) I was still feeling good, feeling great, feeling good, feeling great. I actually didn’t feel any of the effects of this Kryptonite. Then I stood up to leave, the first time I stood up in the last hour and a half, and that’s when ish got real!! My whole world turned into a DJ Screw cassette. Luckily, I stumbled my way to a nearby friends apartment and was allowed to worship her porcelain god. That was an ugly night and some of y’all have nights like that on a regular. And we all see the tweets and status updates about how drunk you plan on getting or are currently. But you know what? I don’t believe you, you need more people! Having been drunk before I can tell you that there is no way to type perfectly formed sentences and tweets when you’re leaning like chulo. It just ain’t real and there’s your Achilles heel. I think people want people to think they are drunk so they have that as an excuse for wilding the cfuk out!!
I remember the first time I was introduced to 151, one my fellow bloggers actually hipped me to that poison, and he said, “this is that Liquid Courage, make you do stuff ya momma told ya not to..now let’s go get on these conchitas!” It was at that moment that I realized liquor wasn’t something that made you act out of character but rather something that exposes your true character. Even before Jamie, people were blaming it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. You heard it, hell you prolly used the same excuse to justify a couple skeletons in your closet. Truth is you took advantage of the opportunity life presented you and now you shamed!!
I went to college with this one dude that fought at every party. He was getting held back by his frat brothers at least twice at EVERY PARTY. The next day he would always say, man that drank had me throwed off last night, my bad dude. Nah, miss me with that, it’s not the drank, it’s you. You ignorant sumumma Schmitz malt liquor!! Here are some other things that people tend to blame on the liquor, that after this post are no longer acceptable.
- Drunk Texting! Just cause you got liquor in your system, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to start that late night scroll through your phone and start sending dirty messages to exes and soon to be exes. Any text that starts, ends, or is followed up by, “I’m drunk” is automatic qualification to get you blocked from my phone and removed from all social networks.
- Drunk Admissions. You have a friend that you want to be more than just a friend but you are too shy to admit sober. DON’T do it while you’re DRUNK! You been hiding a secret from you closest patnas and the burden is just too much to bare…. DON’T do it while you’re DRUNK! Drunk admissions are cowardly and you come off as fraud.
- Drunk Readings. You been itching to tell your girlfriend she was wrong for sleeping with that dude ya’ll met at the club together, she knew you wanted to do that first!!! So you get a little liquor in your system and let her have it. Your boy ask to holler at your old girl and off the strength of the bond you give him the green light, but deep inside you’re madder than Herman Cain at a Black Panther Rally. So you sip on that Hen and start some drama as soon as you get tipsy. Really people?? If alcohol is how you deal with confrontations and emotions you just might be an alcoholic.
Remember, alcohol doesn’t change who you are, it unchains who you are! It lowers your guard so you can act on the raw emotions that you normally hide while sober. So the next time something pops off while you are under the influence of your favorite drink, don’t blame it on the liquor, own up and take responsibility for the ratchetness at hand. If you did it you did it, deal with it.
What other liquid courage endeavors are social faux pas are unacceptable? Do you think the liquor changes you or just unchains you? While ya’ll comment, I’m gon sip on this gnac.