*selects “Float On” by the Floaters*
(Float On Float On) Taurus…and my name is Anthony. I like a woman who cooks, cleans, and isn’t afraid to get on her…well, you get the picture. Today class, I want to discuss an ongoing phenomenon that engulfs my timeline every morning between the hours of 6 to 9 am.
When I get up in the morning and get myself ready for the day, I like to scroll through my social media accounts to see what’s going on. Now that I think about it, it’s usually filled with the same sort of tweets and updates so I guess it’s just become a habit because I’m not really learning anything. Oh well, I digress. So my timeline usually looks like this:
“You have had plenty of stress recently and are feeling relieved now because everything’ … More for Taurus http://twittascope.com?/sign=2
Do I ever click the link to see what my daily horoscope is? Hell no. Why should I? So I can be given very general advice about how to go about my day? C’mon man, if I wanted to be fed some bull, I’d hit up a Scientology lock-in.
If you can’t tell, I’m a non-believer when it comes to Horoscopes and Astrology. Our society seems to thrive on the notion that your birthdate and time gives you a pre-determined set of character attributes. I find that incredibly asinine. Aside from the typical skepticism of the overall generality of horoscopes, the overall base for these signs was created by astrologers who believed the Earth was the center of the Universe. So the stars, the sun, and other planets orbited us. We all know that has been scientifically proven as false.
I’ll indulge you for a second here. Let’s just say zodiac signs really do carry certain attributes. How in the hell do you know EXACTLY where the sun and stars were aligned on your actual birthday? Did you research this prior to following this like the Gospel? Do you know that the current zodiac is about 3,000 years out of sync? Sounds a little suspect to me buddy.
Earlier this year, Astronomer Paul Kunkle reported his findings that all zodiac signs have changed due to the Earth’s axis position. These changes paved way for the return of the 13th sign, Ophiuchus. I remember Twitter and Facebook blowing up with folks saying, “Hell no! I don’t care what he says, I’m a Scorpio ’til I die!” So now you’re a hypocrite right? Just because you followed your sign as a Scorpio and boasted and bragged about your sexual prowess. But wait, now you’re a Libra. Does that mean you have to be fair and easy going now? No more wild orgies for you right? Nope, you can still get gang banged whether you’re a Libra, Gemini, Taurus, or Scorpio because you’re still a tramp who likes to get gang banged. And don’t get me started at those who have their symbol tattooed on their body when this news came out. Probably one of the best days of my life with all the laughing I did.
Before you come down my throat (pause) with facts stating that the changes only affected those after 2010, I already know this. The point I was trying to make was, for a brief moment, you were faced with a information that forced you to be a hypocrite. If you truly believe in zodiac signs, then you would change your “personality” at the drop of the dime when this new information was delivered. But did you? Probably not.
As I stated earlier, I’m a Taurus. I’m supposed to bull headed. Can I be? Sure. Does that make it accurate? Hell no. I’m half black. Does that mean I have to halfway like Tyler Perry and Watermelon? Nope. (I hate Tyler Perry, but Watermelon is delicious) Do you realize making a blanket statement about a someone based on their zodiac sign is just as dumb as making one based on their gender, race, or creed.
Still strong on your conviction that zodiac signs are the real deal? Well, let me try my hand at describing you and your personality. Don’t tell me what your sign is, the stars will tell me exactly what you are. Ready? Here we go:
Sometimes you’re the life of the party, but other times you just want to be left alone. You’ve got a great sense of humor and a strong sense of right and wrong, even if it’s not always appreciated by others. You work hard, but you understand the place of fun and relaxation in life. And though you have made it through some hard times in the past, there will be more rough patches on the road ahead. Don’t get discouraged, even if you feel the world has abounded you. The stars are always there to help you.
How close was I? C’mon, don’t lie. You know damn well I was probably about 90% on point with that reading.
Do you think astrology is legitimate? Are 6 billion people in the world really pre determined to fit into 12 (13 now) personality subsets? Leave comments below and convince me.
Stay classy folks and in the words of Jody, I mean Tyrese:
“Now I know, what ZODIAC SIGNS ARE ALLLL ABOOOUUT!!!”