Lust and Love

It’s Not You…It’s Me


I love relationship talk. I enjoy the drama that often comes when one person is overreacting to the unfamiliarity of the person they are with; I am a huge fan of those who are looking at their relationship with objectivity and are really seeking understanding of how they can grow within it; I even enjoy having conversation with the people who know that they are not being honest with themselves while navigating the relationship process because it provides an opportunity to place them in front of the proverbial mirror and address some of their issues apart from the perceived relationship issues they are having. Having someone to bounce ideas, thoughts and feelings off of when deciphering the various factors that arise in relationships, I believe, can have enormous benefit in our personal lives.

With that said, I want to talk about an article I saw on the top 9 most clichéd Relationship Enders. I want to talk about these because Clichés give an individual to express a thought that sounds like their true feelings, but often times mean something else. Let’s take a look at these shall we?

9. You deserve someone better– what? How many people really break up with someone and actually believe that they were the problem or that there is someone out there better than them? This cliché gives the impression of humility, but what it really communicates is that you believe the person you are with is delusional in their expectations and you would much rather be alone than have to try and meet them. You could be right too. But why not just say that instead of using a line like this?

8. It just wasn’t meant to be– #reallymeans I am either too lazy to work through the difficult times or I just don’t feel like the person I am with is worth the energy. We can easily say it wasn’t meant to be, but I would guess that if this is how you really feel, then you probably knew this about the relationship very early on.

7. I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore– so my question is, did you even love them to begin with? Sometimes what people really want to say when they use this cliché is, “I have changed and have outgrown you and this relationship.” If that’s the case, then you should be able to offer your partner clear examples of why you are no longer invested in the relationship as it stands…instead of just dropping this line on them. Or maybe your in love was really in lust…and well yeah when that dies then so will your reason to stay in the relationship.

6. I don’t want to be tied down– to be honest; I have never heard a woman use this line. Most of the time its men who do not grasp the concept that even though the grass may be greener on the other side, once you go over there you will soon realize that the grass still needs to be cut. If a committed relationship is what you are looking for, be honest about that from the beginning and let your potential partner decide if they are okay with that.

5. I’m not ready for a relationship– but you probably knew this before you got into this relationship. I have seen this more when a person has not gotten over their ex. They may not ever use this cliché specifically but their actions will reinforce this idea. When a person truly is able to admit that they made a mistake and can clearly articulate why they are not ready to be in a relationship, that’s usually a good thing and should be commended.

4. We’re better off as friends– I don’t necessarily consider this a cliché if the people involved were actually friends before dating. I mean sometimes you are really good friends and you get involved romantically and you lose sight of the friendship that brought you together in the first place. Now I think the real cliché is “I still want to be friends” as you are breaking up; I mean do you really thinking offering your friendship during the course of a break up is the best plan (I did that once…didn’t go so well).

3. I’ve met someone else– now if you actually met someone else, cool…thanks for being honest. But if you are using this line because you think your partner is crazy or because you just didn’t have a real reason to break up with the person…that’s a lie and #YouShouldBeShamed.

2. I need some space– and if I give you the space you are looking for…will you come back to me? Why can’t we just say, “I’m done” or “I just want to move on”? Space? This is synonymous with “I think we should just separate”…right, because separation always leads to reconciliation.

1. It’s not you, it’s me– not only is this a cliché, but it is an outright lie. Most of the people I have talked to are never willing to take ownership of why the relationship is not working, especially when you are trying to break up. Maybe we can come to this reflective process much later in life, but while its fresh? Yeah Right! As harsh as it is, and as true as you think it is, just tell the person, “It’s you and not me” when providing an explanation for your wanting to leave the relationship.

Being honest and forthright when faced with a difficult situation or without knowing how the other person will react can be a daunting task. But if your intentions really are to leave the person and the relationship, put all your cards on the table and walk away leaving no question as to why you are doing it. You will never be able to control their thoughts, actions, or feelings but you always can control what you do in these situations

Have you ever clichéd your way out of a relationship? What did you say?

 

 

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One thought on “It’s Not You…It’s Me

  1. I have and i used a combination! I hit her with the “its not you its me, cause I’m just not ready for this relationship so you deserve better” line. I was lying and she knew it. She gave me a few harsh words and because I knew she deserved better than the lie i just told her….I took it and smiled..

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