Lust and Love

Elmyra Love

I am not exactly a fan of Tyler Perry’s.  I didn’t get into his plays and his movies left a sour taste in my mind’s mouth.  Not because I thought he was coonin’ or whatever issue it is that makes people hate TP with such fervent hate.  Maybe he slapped your mother or something I don’t know.  But it wasn’t until I saw For Colored Girls that it hit me.

Tyler Perry hates black women.

(Gasp. Shock. Awe.)

And it’s crazy because when you see Madea or hear TP’s story you think that he loved black women and was showing his appreciation (for their money) or at the worst lightly ribbing them.  And maybe he does love them. But he can’t stand them and that’s for sure.

But this isn’t a blog about Tyler Perry.  This isn’t really even a blog about black women.  It’s a blog about men.  And their hatred of women.  Hell, this is a blog about women, and their hatred of women.

This blog is about you.

You might think that you are a nice and fair person.  You treat everyone equally, the way you would want to be treated (which is not the correct way to treat people, you should treat them the way they want to be treated…).  You might even open a door for a woman from time to time and can’t live your life without one around.  You love women.  You’re awesome.

But the sad thing is; it’s that Elmyra kind of love.

You remember Tiny Toons?  Elmyra loved her some animals.  Animals of all kinds.  Kitties, doggies, skunks, whatever.  Loved them.  Once she got a hold of them she squoze (it’s a word to me) the shit out of them until they ran off and never wanted to talk to her again.


I am bombarded with a constant stream of Elmyra love for women while social networking.  Yes I did write a blog about it not being real life.  But these are real life people with conscious streams of thought being put out there for other people to see.  The blanket statements about womankind are so disheartening.  You think a Basketball Wife is a golddigging, bitch.  Ok that’s fine.  Then she is a bitch.  WOMEN are not all basketball-player-baby-having-spending-all-his-cash bitches.  Be specific with your hate.  Sally didn’t say thank you when you opened the door? Sally sucks and next time just slam the door in her face.  Some “tree demon” in line in front of you at Walmart? SO WHAT?! Who are you to only be in the presence of extreme beauty?  Did she hit you with a chat ‘n cut? No? Then shutup and let her buy her food.  Tammi talking smack about you at the job and just hatin’ cause you got your shit together and Tammi just mad cause she single? Let Tammi be mad then. That’s Tammi’s damn problem isn’t it?

Yes you should be taking this personally.

I’m sure you have a mother/wife/daughter/girlfriend/sister/aunt/cousin/friend/Girl Scout/damsel in distress that you would fight tooth and nail to defend if someone said to her half the things you thought about women you barely even know.

Who are you to dictate to someone else how they should live their life when you had nothing to do with how they came into this world in the first place?  The specifics of qualities “real” women should have.  Do they anatomically qualify?  That’s really the only quality they need right? Generalizations based off half truths and edited commentaries can’t really be used to form a proper opinion. “What that ninja do to you?” (in my Snoop from The Wire voice).

Sticks and stones break bones but words do irreparable damage.

This isn’t just a “Bre’s ranting about something again” post.  I’m going to make a conscious effort to change the way I speak to, and think about women.  Be it strangers or best friends or just acquaintances I only know by screename.  Or at least be more direct and specific about my hate.


Do you think you have a generally negative view of women? And don’t be all “I’m not racist, I have two white friends” about it either.  If so, what do you think you should do about it? Is this just how mankind is?  Are you an equal opportunity sexist?  Are you not sexist at all and have been personally offended by this?  Speak up.  Let me know.  


15 thoughts on “Elmyra Love

  1. Interesting thoughts….so in regards to women we don’t know, If someone is being portrayed a certain way or there is something being written about them in the paper or some other reading site, doesn’t that lend itself to an opinion if you want to have one? I mean i understand that we are only getting a picture of the woman, but if you saw the first season of how you were being portrayed, came back for season 2, and we saw you doing the same type of things, when do we consider that a pattern of behavior?

    Overall i get it. Either talk about everyone, or talk about no one. Never assume that what you see or what you hear is the full picture, but also never think that what you are seeing is not the “real deal Holyfield”

    I agree to say that “I hate this chick” or “she is so stupid” or even she is a “tree demon” should probably be kept to yourself, unless your opinion is solicited, and even then you probably should find a more constructive way to express your sentiments; especially when you don’t know the person. But i believe that as long as you are being fair in your assessments, are as specific as possible, and understand that just because you say something that doesn’t mean it’s the truth or that it was the right thing to say, you will give people a better opportunity to know where you are coming from…even if they disagree.

    Great Blog

    • america is awesome because everyone is free to express their own opinion. and it’s ok to form opinions based off the information presented to you. but it is also very important to remember that opinion is not fact and should not be applied in a broad broad general sense. and i think that’s where a big part of the female hatred stems from. one woman did something that you didn’t care for so all women absorb the backlash.
      it kinda just boils down to does this actually personally affect you or not, and if not is it worth your energy to be so up in arms about it? quit watching or quit reading if you hate it so bad but don’t let it taint your perception of anyone but the offending party.

  2. Indeed a great blog. This is simply a case of generalization, as you mention above. Confusion of macro/micro social phenomena is one of the most comman human mistakes. What makes the case of women so peculiar is its worldwide pervasiveness across culture, nation, ethnicity, etc. It’s pretty much accepted (how many of you have been driving and yelled “GOOD GOSH WOMEN CAN’T DRIVE!!!). Impressive to paint 51% of the worlds population with the same brush. If our impressions of the women portrayed on B-Ball Jump Offs (see what I did there?) Stayed with those women, so be it. If we ascribe those thoughts to every gal in a Mercedes or married to an athlete, we lead ourselves down a troubled road.

    • Yeah Ed but isn’t life about generalizations? Isn’t that how we make most decisions? We generalize people and things because it us the quickest way to get from point a to b. I get that sisters are getting a bad rap and we need to protect them but I’m willing to bet that a large minority of women can and want to identify with the life they see on tv on these shows. I’m not sexist, but I am do have a very negative view of girls on “the scene”. I know a girl that is part of a group of girls that will only date athletes and 100k dudes. They are cool with the doormen at the W and gza gza so they can work out in the weight room to catch one of these said men. I think my hate is well placed. That type of activity should be frowned upon

      • You’re absolutely correct. Life is about generalizations, but as usual, this phenomenon exists on a continuum. I’m not a fan of “on the scene” girls myself. But at the same time, I’ve developed a sense of what my definition of an “on the scene girl” is. I can’t ascribe that to someone who simply appears that way. I have to make the generalization that most drivers will stop at the red light, but like I said, we end up on a troubled road when we generalize a person’s ideals/morals simply based on appearances.I’m definitely not innocent on this front, and will admit I’ve over generalized plenty. I don’t want to speak for Bre, but I think she’s trying to point out just how easy society can make the illogical jump to generalize women in particular into certain negative archetypes.

        • You and Bre are both correct. I just wanted to vent about how I hate seeing girls putting more effort into trapping a ball player than uplifting themselves. Just like I hate to see brothers putting more effort into rapping than a career. I guess I do generalize my hate. Thanks Bre. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it.

          • That’s where the continuum comes into play. You can’t “focus on your music” while neglecting responsibilities and get mad at folks for “judging you” or “not believing in you”. You can’t put off becoming a true adult while holding out for an easy route to the lime light via some dude and get mad when someone calls you shallow. I just think we ought to be sure about folks actual practices before we make the jump and lump them in the deadbeat/shallow group.

  3. Ooooooh, tell em why you MAD, son!

    I mean, I don’t really have anything to add. The generalizations are incredibly annoying, and like Ed said, lead you down a troubled road. I stay interrupting people in the middle of their generalizations with the hope that I’m getting through to them about how wrong it is to lump several people into a horrible group because one person stepped on your pinky toe.

  4. thanks for the love.

    @chris – that’s my point. we need to stop the generalizations. i know that a lot of times i’m a judgy mcjudgerson and have a negative view of a woman i never met just by her looks. she has to work to prove herself to be a good person instead of assuming she’s a good person until she proves otherwise. if she only wants to date 100K+ atheletes…that really doesn’t affect me at all. i need to let it slide. so i’m admitting that and pushing towards being better. glad you’re on the right track too!

  5. Imma quote myself, is that alright… Curse our arrogance that leads us to believe that our opinion is the final authority on someone else’s life…

    I agree with you Young Breezy… It is a pet peeve of mine, but I am well aware that I am guilty of it also.

    I don’t wrestle with people anymore on their generalizations, cause they are just so damned passionate about them… I always notice my own prejudices when I am driving, cause things go flying out of my mouth (and thus, out of my heart) when I’m commandeering 1500 pounds of nuts and bolts at 75 mph and someone does something potentially life threatening, so I deal with my own prejudices and notice how difficult they are for me to over come. There are a lot of hurt people floating around, and they are creating more hurt people, because hurting people hurt people.. it is a viscous cycle.

    In the end, I just wish that we were consciously aware that our perceptions of other people does not truth make, and respect the right of people to not play the roles we’ve mentally assigned them. I believe, most of us walk out into the world with our minds already made up about who people are and we only see the things that prove our assumptions correct. That makes us just ignorant in the end.

  6. Quoting myself again, cause if I don’t appreciate my awesomeness, who else will?! (you can quote me on that too!)

    Nothing like feeling like an inconsequential non-entity in a prejudged homogenous group!

    I’m done… I think…

  7. I believe that through the discourse of any type of generalization it does not inspire; it interrogates and condescends. Esp when it comes to black women. It is an assault on their collective psyche, and I reject it on behalf of the sisters that’s living their life. If a guy wants to fall for the girl seeking that 100K+ dude, his bad or just get her to sign a pre-nup(if applicable). I am a proponent of us who are just trying to be ourselves and live life the right way with no limitations. Generalization undermines us as a people, creating a climate of fear and confusion, exacerbates the very problem it claims to bring to light.

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