Happy Friday Everyone! I’ll be your “Featured Friday” blogger for the day. (Excuse me while I do the MC Hammer typewriter across your computer screen in excitement)Today’s blog is dedicated to those lovely ladies out there…and the ugly ones too. Well, to be totally honest, it’s really dedicated to those swamp donkeys out there with a false sense of their true status. If I offend anyone, maybe you should re-evaulate yourself.
I love women. I really do. Shout out to @DontCallTyrone for his blog about Women a few days ago. I honestly think there’s nothing more beautiful than a woman with self confidence (not cockiness) in her beauty and isn’t afraid to express herself. But on that same token, I’ve noticed there has been quite the influx of “over-confidence.” Now I don’t frequent the night life like I used to these days, but I can recall several times where I was bamboozled by some of the things I would see and hear. For example, I would hear:
Random Girl 1: “Girl, all these n***as are lame. They all look ugly.”
Random Girl 2: “I can’t believe that ugly ass n***a just tried to talk to me.”
Random Girl 3: “These n***as here need to pay me some attention, I’m lookin’ too cute.”
Now I’m sure the above comments are very common if you frequent bars and clubs where the majority of the patrons are black. What left me perplexed about the situation was all three of the women looked as if Barry Bonds shot up with an extra gallon of roids, grabbed a bat, and commenced to swinging for the fences at their heads with an extra large ugly stick. I couldn’t help but have the infamous “Tiffany Greene Face” (Google it if you don’t know who she is) all night. So being the analytical person that I am, I couldn’t fight the urge to analyze why this instance was becoming so common. I immediately uncovered two reasons:
The 2 Minute Warning
The 2 Minute Warning, The 4th Quarter, Bottom of the Ninth, and a slew of other names my fellow Man calls the portion of the evening where our standards take a significant dip in hopes of finding a quick jump off. Ladies, ever been in a situation where you received absolutely no play all evening, then around last call, there’s a stampede of guys giving you the time of day? Sorry, don’t mean to bust your bubble (well actually I do) but it doesn’t mean we’re shy and we finally mustered enough courage to talk to you. It means our 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and maybe even 5th options during the evening didn’t turn out as planned so we’ve made the conscience effort to classify you as a slight notch above a bottle of Jergens and a Sugar Walls DVD. *Kanye Shrug*
During Texas Relays this year, I witnessed so many thirsty dudes that I was embarrassed to be a Man in 2011. I was standing next to some random guy at this Kappa party, and he literally used the same exact line to about 10 girls in a row. “Damn, you’re so sexy. Definitely the most jazzy girl here tonight…what’s your name?” For real Bro? That’s how we do it these days? Even if all 10 were stars, why the hell would you use the same line 3 seconds after it failed? I mean damn, the other woman clearly saw you try and fail. But seriously, only about 2 of the woman were actually fine. The other 8, well, let’s just say they were women by default if you catch my drift. Mind you this was about 1230 at night, so it wasn’t even “The 2 Minute Warning” yet. So ‘ol boy was literally grabbing at straws with his thirsty ass. *sigh* In the words of Ed Lover, “C’mon SON!”
I want to cure the game of this foolishness and re-establish rules that I grew up on. In the dating game, it’s imperative to understand your own number. Once you figure out your number, you are allowed to date someone who’s number is one below or one above your own. So on a 10 point scale, someone that is rated a 6 would have a dating spectrum of a 5 to 7. Now this doesn’t mean you can’t take a half court shot every so often and try to pull an 8 or 9. During the “2 Minute Warning” period, it’s okay to subtract two from your spectrum but only for a one time fling.
So to all of the booga wolfs with inflated egos, let this be your reality check. You’re not a 10, 9, 8, or even a 7. Odds are you’re a 5 on your best day. I’m talking about if I close one eye and squirt lemon juice in the other one, then stare at the sun for an hour. So please refrain from acting uppity and know your roll. To all the thirsty fellas out there. Just stop it B. I understand vagina feels fantastic, but that doesn’t mean you have to holla at anything that moves. If you only can see how lame you look. More importantly, being thirsty only fuels the artificially inflated egos of these hedgehogs.
Well this marks the end of my first stay on the Block. Until next time children, stay classy…
Ant of Ant’s Thoughts
Follow Ant @iAmAnt82