I normally stay away from trending topics, pretending I’m too cool to participate when the truth is that I’m worried @txsteve81 has already beat me to the funny ones. Yesterday, twitter was buzzing about when stuff gets real, which got me thinking when things got real for me, when the doctor said, “it’s a girl!” I had one of those life flashing before my eyes moments and it was interesting at best.
Now I was never one of those cats that had game. It just wasn’t in me. Actually, I only asked about 8 girls for their phone number my entire life!! And all of those incidents would make great clips for awkward black girl. I only had a few official girlfriends before I got married. But, there was a time in my life that I went APE. I got a few letters on my chest and a couple of titles on the yard and lost my mind! I was not in a relationship and didn’t care if you didn’t like it. I told young ladies the deal up front, if you ain’t agree you could leave…but you would be back (#tonymontanalife). Until the doctor uttered those #3words, those times where my glory days. The time I was an Alpha male, leading the pack. After those words, those times where the blueprint to my worst nightmare. My boys didn’t help either. First thing out of their mouth was, “you betta get a shotgun” and I knew exactly why. If she ever met up with a knuckle head like me, I would have to kill him, right? I know how hypocritical of me, but #YeaItjustgotreal.
Then one of my so-called friends said, “hope she don’t look like you dog.” Man, I hadn’t even got that far yet. I was trying to figure out how to save bail money, assuming my daughter would be cute! But, WHAT IF SHE DID LOOK LIKE ME?!? Lawd help the child! I automatically imagined myself with a wig and that is not a good look. Fellas would you date a 6 foot 2 265 lb, light skinneded girl just cause she had pretty eyes? I didn’t think so! So in an instant, I went from hoping she wore sweats and turtlenecks until she was 27 and married a millionaire mogul that believed in monogamy to praying she didn’t turn out to be a booga wolf that I would have to pay someone to marry. No man wants his daughter to be unattractive, it’s too darn expensive!! I know, beauty is only skin deep, but #YeaItjustgotreal.
Lucky for me, I had Laci. And anyone that knows my daughter or has heard about her (you betta ask somebody) knows that I don’t have much to worry about. She is intelligent, beautiful, athletic, and most of all SHE IS A GOON!! Yeah I said it, she is “a,b,c,d,e,f,G”! The type of girl who will whip you like you stole something in a skirt and heels and never let a hair or piece of clothing get out-of-place G!! I guess it’s the Chicago in her blood. Or maybe it’s my grandmother in her. But, whatever it is, it’s real. So if you see her walking down the street giving you the side-eye, keep it moving or you might be saying, #YeaItjustgotreal!