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I’m Not Ike Turner But Don’t Push Me: The Multiple Choice Test


I would like to start off by saying that I in no way shape, form, or fashion condone abuse in any relationship. Whether it be from the man or the woman abuse is wrong and should not be tolerated. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you can get information on how to help them here. Buuuuuuut sometimes you should be careful what you ask for cause one day you might get it. There is only so much prodding and poking a person can take before they just snap!!  Still don’t know where I’m going, well follow me:

Me and my lil dip are watching a bootleg at the crib, she gets up to refresh her drink and all of sudden the movie gets good. She stops to watch, which would be fine if a) she wasn’t in front of the darn TV or b) she was made of glass like that chick from x-men first class. Alas, she is none of the above so I POLITELY ask her to scoot over and that’s when ish gets real, sorta. She hits me with a line that every man that’s been in a relationship for more than two months has heard. “what chu gon do if I don’t move , HUH?!!” (note to my female readers, if you leave off the HUH it almost makes it okay).  The tone in her voice is playful enough that I don’t automatically slide her across the living room, but the idea did twinkle across my mind for an inth of a second. I hit her with “stop playing, and move” in a matching playful tone, which should have ended the convo but a) she moved and let me see the movie or b) she turns around and takes this ish to another level of ridiculousness that test my manhood like that cat that from Arrested Development was sanging about in Everyday People, and we all know how that ended.  Alas, she chooses b and proceeds to poke and prod until I a) take my bootleg to my good good’s house or b) come off the top rope like Jimmy “supafly” Snuka.

This is what happens when push a man too far

 Why? Why do y’all do that?  Why is it that when y’all want to play fight, you pick a fight a fight with a mans pride? When we are arguing why you gotta put your hands in our face and test our testicular fortitude?  You bait and push and then wait. Looking at him with a look that says, “yo punk ass ain’t gon do shit!” What are we supposed to do a) give you what you asking for and go to jail or b) take it and look like punk.

 Before I tell you what I selected, let me open the floor.  I just want to know why do you push your partner and bait them to “do something”? It’s like giving them a multiple choice test with no correct answers. And that just ain’t right. We tried to settle this like a gentleman but you wanted to get into that gangster shit. Make up your mind, do you want a cat that is so thugged out that he doesn’t mind putting his hands on you or man that respects your feelings and shares his emotions.  You can’t really have it both ways.

 Back to my selection…

 Alas, I made the right choice and choose b. However she was quick to point out how I backed down!  “that’s what I thought!” “you ain’t bout that life!” “you ain’t shi….*umph uh rumble* (that is sound of someone getting punched in the mouth mid trash talking) but it didn’t have to get here.  I mean I’m not Ike Turner but don’t push me.

Smoke tha Ghetto Profit

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3 thoughts on “I’m Not Ike Turner But Don’t Push Me: The Multiple Choice Test

  1. So did you “*umph uh rumble*”?? You said you made the right choice (b), but then say “*umph uh rumble* (that is sound of someone getting punched in the mouth mid trash talking) but it didn’t have to get here.” Hitting any human being is un-called for, unless by defense- and in my opinion, the gender of the person doesn’t matter if its for defense. But if the situation is an “Ike & Tina” situation…hitting- from either side- is childish and rediculous. God gave us all a mouth to speak with, and hands to love with – not beat with. Use your words and not your fists.

  2. I’m from the part of town where everybody thing they’re a preacher and wants to lay hands on folks, but my grandma raised me right. When we were kids, she’d tell us, “If she big enough to hit you, she’s big enough to hit back” and in the same breath remind us that it is NOT alright to hit a woman…talk about confusing a 9 year old, but now that I’m older I understand what she meant. As kids, it didn’t matter, she didn’t wanna raise no punk, but as an adult hitting a woman is just wrong.

    I’ve actually been in a fight with a guy after I pulled him off his gf and he wanted to get stupid with me.

    In this situation, I’ll be a punk before I hit a woman. It makes life so much easier!

    Oh and she’s picking fights cuz “All she wants is rough sex with her slick ass” – Jay Z

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