When first asked to be a guest blogger, I had been racking my brain with something to blog about. While I don’t pretend to represent every woman, I have been brought here to give a female perspective on things. It had been a total blank until there was this blog post and the subsequent comments and then boom, I just HAD to blog about this…
Despite what Beyonce, Lil Boosie, and Ne-Yo think I’d like to start a committee to end the rash of horror that self-proclaimed i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t women have brought to the community. “But Bre, being independent is great! I don’t need no man taking care of me. I gots my owns. You just hatin on me and all my independentness” you may cry, and by all means “get yo paper boo boo” but let’s cut all the first-person awesomness the independent tag has bestowed upon the masses.
Have a job? Pay your own rent? Got your own flat screen? When Boosie call you don’t need a got damn thing? So the f*ck what? Congratulations. You’re an adult. Like millions of Americans before you, you have reached the point in life where you take responsibility for yourself and pay your own way. Put your hands down in the club spelling out words and pointing at dudes claiming they ain’t shit.
At times I’d like to think that I’m a modern woman and we’ve moved past the standard gender roles of the 50’s, but this bastardized feminism movement is screwing us all over. We’re not fighting for the right to vote or to remove the glass ceiling. We’re not raising our fist against the man; we’re pointing fingers at some of the men who could be helping us be better. And while I do think it is great to not be dependent on a man to provide all of your monetary needs, I do think that everyone needs to be taken care of on some level. Isn’t that why we chose to be in relationships? Unless your father promised you away for two fatted cows to his buddy the next town over, it’s a choice to be with someone. It’s okay to “play the role” of the woman and be nurturing. Be vulnerable. Hell, be needy if you must. Just shut the f*ck up about being independent.
And before the men want to dap me up with some “Bre told them” type stuff let me stop you. Quit giving women reasons to yell at you about her independence. I swear I lose my mind every time I hear one of the lazy ninja songs on the radio singing about how their woman doesn’t need them for anything but sex. And she takes them out all the time and to the Galleria shopping and shit and does everything without complaining. So we just make up shit now in songs? Ross. But seriously as a man is that what you would want your relationship to be? Some sort of gigolo shit where you ain’t nothing to her but hard dick and maybe bubble gum dependent upon whether she picked some up for you at the grocery store that day? You don’t get it both ways. You don’t get to do nothing and still be called a man. If you have a woman in your life, take care of her. If you are looking for a special woman to be a part of your life, be someone she can actually depend on.
I’m over celebrating people for doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. Be better than not getting evicted or having your Honda repo’d. Be better than laying up not being shit. All aspects in a relationship (of any kind) don’t all boil down to who paid for dinner last. Everybody needs somebody sometime, the exact opposite of the definition of independence.
Are you an independent woman and I’m wrong and just some sucka who needs to listen to more Lil Boosie (I can be ratched!)? Are you a man who is having a hard time getting an independent woman to be with you? Is this just a new shift in the paradigm of gender roles that I’m not getting? Let me know how the Independent Woman movement has effected you if at all!