Featured Fridays

Woman, Independent

When first asked to be a guest blogger, I had been racking my brain with something to blog about.  While I don’t pretend to represent every woman, I have been brought here to give a female perspective on things.  It had been a total blank until there was this blog post and the subsequent comments and then boom, I just HAD to blog about this…


Despite what Beyonce, Lil Boosie, and Ne-Yo think I’d like to start a committee to end the rash of horror that self-proclaimed i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t women have brought to the community. “But Bre, being independent is great! I don’t need no man taking care of me. I gots my owns. You just hatin on me and all my independentness” you may cry, and by all means “get yo paper boo boo” but let’s cut all the first-person awesomness the independent tag has bestowed upon the masses.

Have a job? Pay your own rent? Got your own flat screen? When Boosie call you don’t need a got damn thing? So the f*ck what?  Congratulations.  You’re an adult.  Like millions of Americans before you, you have reached the point in life where you take responsibility for yourself and pay your own way.  Put your hands down in the club spelling out words and pointing at dudes claiming they ain’t shit.

At times I’d like to think that I’m a modern woman and we’ve moved past the standard gender roles of the 50’s, but this bastardized feminism movement is screwing us all over.  We’re not fighting for the right to vote or to remove the glass ceiling.  We’re not raising our fist against the man; we’re pointing fingers at some of the men who could be helping us be better.  And while I do think it is great to not be dependent on a man to provide all of your monetary needs, I do think that everyone needs to be taken care of on some level.  Isn’t that why we chose to be in relationships?  Unless your father promised you away for two fatted cows to his buddy the next town over, it’s a choice to be with someone.  It’s okay to “play the role” of the woman and be nurturing.  Be vulnerable.  Hell, be needy if you must.  Just shut the f*ck up about being independent.

And before the men want to dap me up with some “Bre told them” type stuff let me stop you.  Quit giving women reasons to yell at you about her independence.  I swear I lose my mind every time I hear one of the lazy ninja songs on the radio singing about how their woman doesn’t need them for anything but sex.  And she takes them out all the time and to the Galleria shopping and shit and does everything without complaining.  So we just make up shit now in songs?  Ross.  But seriously as a man is that what you would want your relationship to be?  Some sort of gigolo shit where you ain’t nothing to her but hard dick and maybe bubble gum dependent upon whether she picked some up for you at the grocery store that day?  You don’t get it both ways.  You don’t get to do nothing and still be called a man.  If you have a woman in your life, take care of her.  If you are looking for a special woman to be a part of your life, be someone she can actually depend on.

I’m over celebrating people for doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing.  Be better than not getting evicted or having your Honda repo’d.  Be better than laying up not being shit.  All aspects in a relationship (of any kind) don’t all boil down to who paid for dinner last.  Everybody needs somebody sometime, the exact opposite of the definition of independence.

Are you an independent woman and I’m wrong and just some sucka who needs to listen to more Lil Boosie (I can be ratched!)?  Are you a man who is having a hard time getting an independent woman to be with you?  Is this just a new shift in the paradigm of gender roles that I’m not getting? Let me know how the Independent Woman movement has effected you if at all!


23 thoughts on “Woman, Independent

  1. I agree and I also believe all the “independence” has created a new breed of man! “the lazy”!! The ones who have no desire to be a bread winner and are satisfied living pay check to pay check cuz their boo got the other half!

  2. But if we are striving for equality in gender roles, does it matter if the man is the bread winner? why can’t you, Perkinator, be the bread winner and he take care of the kids?

    Why does the man have to hustle so ya’ll can rock red bottoms and prada purses to Kroger?

    *sits in the corner and waits patiently for it all to fall down*

  3. Key word of the day = balance. One of the biggest problems in respect to this discussion is a lack of balance. Everyone wants to be #winning in their relationship, as opposed to creating a balance. Two is better than one, but for many folks in our generation, they’d rather just have one better than the other, as long as I benefit.

  4. Well stated Bre. I sometimes long that the word independent was never a label given to women. I personally am more comfortable with “responsible” woman. For me personally, “independent” sends some men running in the opposite direction. They get in their heads that “she has it all covered and doesn’t need me for anything.” These days, finding the balance is difficult. Being reared in a single family, female-headed home, I had no choice but to be responsible, with younger siblings in my care while my mom worked two jobs. It is a blessing and a curse. It would be a Utopian moment to lean on someone else sometimes.

    • yeah i can see how that’s hard to let somebody else handle things. like yeah i could do everything on my own but i’m trying to get to where i don’t have to. if that makes sense.

      • That makes perfect sense, Bre. I really feel this statement and this blog. Independence has taken on a whole new meaning and become meaningless. Responsibility and balance is the real key. I could go out there and be all over the place yammering about how I’m independent and don’t need no man, but the real truth is, I would love to have a man in my life to take care of me once in a while. I really DON’T want to do it by myself. I want a man that is as good to me as I can be and am to myself. Someone who I can be on the same page with as far as “home” is concerned; no scorecard. I’ve dealt with the “macho have to be in charge” type and the “mama’s boy dog” type and the “I love you but I don’t want a relationship with you because I don’t want to ruin what we have” type. At 36, I know what I really want at this point in my life and I won’t settle for less than. I’m not trying to everything on my own for good, so I really feel your second sentence in this statement.

  5. Where is the standard huh? Where is it… Hell if I walk around talking about I don’t need a man… They have stuff I like, hell yeah, I need one… I’m a f*cking lady!

    I agree on both counts young Breezie and I believe this psuedoindependent post modernist bastardized feminism is killing femininity…

    I’m writing a song about being interdependent… cause it’s catchy, I wonder if I can make a healthy relationship sound hip.

    • sooooooo now you HAVE to make it and let me hear it. it helps if you spell out the words. people like to spell in songs. and also tell them to put their hands up. or else it will be a flop. 🙂

  6. I am SO GLAD that there are some women out there who feels the same way I do regarding this topic!!! People want a standing ovation for doing things they are supposed to do… how simple and silly is that!? smh. You hit the nail on the head ma’am.. multiple times!

    • thanks! i just think that we (people who think along these lines) are just not speaking up. or not speaking as loud as the independents yelling in the club.

      • Oh I’m speaking up, but I’m not at the club spelling sh*t. I’m probably out hanging out with my man (because we like each other) or with my daughter, trying to show her how NOT to be a raging, contradictory, attention-seeking b*tch.

    • So right, lady!!! It is silly to want props on being a responsible adult and doing what you’re supposed to. Why don’t we just have a national holiday called “Responsible Adult Day” and if you’re not one, then you’re grounded and cannot celebrate it! HA!

      Bre, you are right! Those who think like us really aren’t speaking up like the loud-mouthed, allegedly independent folks. When you really think about it, no one is truly independent. We ALL depend on someone for something every once in a while. So what is independence really?

      And JCMM, Good job, lady! Good job! Teach your daughter how NOT to act.

  7. Word! Great job Bre’ 🙂 Great point Ed! Being single in this day and age I have some friends that I don’t talk about it with because they act like me saying I want to be in a relationship is a bad thing. I didn’t say need…I said want! There’s a big difference. Just in general our energies as men and women are needed to balance the universe out. I’m looking forward to a positive and happy relationship with a wonderful man.

  8. The Bible is right. lol.

    You (Bre) know exactly how I feel about this topic. And I agree with all of the comments that I read…especially from the ladies. I take care of myself b/c I have to, and I don’t get standing ovations…nor do I expect them. However, regardless of what you believe…I don’t subscribe to the notion that WE (people) were placed on this earth to be alone…independent if you will. We’re made to co-exist with others…especially of the opposite sex. I do what I do because it’s necessary, but I’d LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE for a guy to pitch in every now and then. I would *die* to get gifted with a surprise full tank of gas, or an all expense paid trip to the nail shop. Or, a really nice hug after a long day of work. If that means, I cant spell/sing a long…so be it.

    Also…you know, I really feel like these songs are some form of evil conspiracy to get women to hate each other even more. I dont think women will ever all get together and hold hands and start singing “we are family” or some isht, but, these songs serve as a vehicle for us to pick each other apart even more. “Oh shit, that broad ain’t independent…she’s still rollin’ around in the car she had in high school.” “Oh lawd, did you see her hair? You know she don’t get it done every week! How she gon’ call herself independent?” The list goes on and I’m sure everyone gets the picture. It’s a sad shame.

    Thanks for getting it out there, homie. 🙂

  9. Pingback: No Head? « The Writerz Block

  10. Pingback: Happy Birthday to The Block! « The Writerz Block

  11. Wonderful issues altogether, you simply won a new reader. What would you suggest about your put up that you simply made a few days in the past? Any certain?

Speak on it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s