Lust and Love

Dating Dilemma: Unemployment


Thirsty Thursdays will feature a closer look and analysis of a number of topics dealing with sex and relationships. Hopefully the opinions given won’t lead to the demise of too many relationships out there. Good luck.

Dating Dilemma: Unemployment

So I was out with a group of friends at a happy hour earlier this week and the subject of whether or not a woman should offer to pay or go dutch on a first date. Living in this age of equality that we’re in, I figured the consensus amongst the women would be that they would at least offer to pay half. They all said they would; however they all admitted that it’s a trap to see if the guy will insist on paying himself. Now, I’m all about some good ol chivalry. I open doors. If I see a lady carrying something, I more often than not offer to help. Sometimes it’s too hot and I don’t feel like bothering. I also have no problem paying for the first date. With that being said, n-words is broke these days. I ain’t got no job. So if she offers to pay, initially I’ll say “No. It’s ok. I got it.” But if she insists, I hit her with a Kanye shrug and happily accept her preferred method of payment. I have no problem calling her bluff.

I expected a little sympathy, thinking some broads would take it easy on a guy if he was going through some hard times, but he still wanted to date her. I got none. They said that I should save my money up until I could afford to foot the bill. Ain’t that some shit? It’s hard enough to tell a woman that you’ve recently met that you’re out of work, but I definitely don’t want to seem like the guy who lies around his apartment all day playing his PS3 and experimenting with random drugs. Besides, I use my PS3 for movies the majority of the time anyway. It would seem to be quite a discouraging scenario, but unlike some guys, I refuse to take myself out of the game.

I’ve managed to come up with a few tricks of my own to keep costs down here and there. For instance, if you’re going to ask a woman out for a drink, make sure you suggest a place where you’re cool with a bartender. Even still, sometimes it’s a tough choice in deciding whether or not to even leave the house. We have to ask ourselves, is it really worth wasting gas to meet up with someone with whom I may or may not hit it off. And I’m not sure why, but for some reason if a man invites a woman over to his place, she automatically thinks he’s just trying to GTD, which is not always necessarily the case. Probably, yes, but not always.

But I’m more interested in others’ opinions here. If unemployed, would you temporarily suspend yourself from the dating circuit? And a question just for the ladies, how much of a difference would it make to you if a guy was unemployed or not, and he asked you out. Ok, go!

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18 thoughts on “Dating Dilemma: Unemployment

  1. i’m interested to hear what ladies have to say on this subject. With all the “i’m an independent” talk that sisters be talking bout, paying for a date or going dutch should be a badge of honor or something.

    and Tommy from Martin didn’t have no Darn job and he had a black book full of GTD chicks

  2. I think every girl “tests the guy” by seeing if he will offer to pay lol. I think its great if he does pay but I understand hard times so I never go out w/o money unless its stated specifically they will be paying….even then I bring money to tip just in case he doesn’t know how (the waitress in me lol)

    On the unemployment…hmmm…I would date a guy if he was unemployed but only if he was actively pursuing a job…I hold ppl to the same expectation I hold myself…its all great & dandy if your “gonna be a rapper & blow up soon” but u could atleast hold down a 9-5 till that happens. But yea…its on a case by case basis with the unemployment bc I like to go places & do things & don’t wanna be limited bc the guy doesn’t have money & a lot of guys r sensitive and feel it hurts their manhood if the women pays….idk

  3. why are you “limited” by a guy not having money? what happened to some of the best things in life being free? what happened to all i need is my boo?!?

    just asking

    • Limited bc after 5 dates of “chilling” I get bored lol. There are plenty of free stuff to do which I’m down for. But for that one time I wanna go to the movies or something and we can’t bc hr doesn’t have money & doesn’t feel comfortable with me paying…soooo we just don’t go anywhere, yes this has happened before lol

      Annnd all I need is my boo? Smh lol…and as you said. SOME of the best things in life are free…you gotta pay for the rest, hell u gotta pay for freedom.

  4. Granted, trying to date while unemployed is not terribly attractive. If you still want to be in the game, I would suggest doing the low-cost alternatives and explaining yourself.

    Would I date a guy who is unemployed… sure, I wouldn’t let that be a deal breaker if I liked him. After all, today, being unemployed is usually not anyones fault, but the corporations that lie and shed jobs. I would also go dutch if the cost of the date gets pricy (as in buying some drinks, sporting event tickets, etc.).

  5. As a female, I question why did you let your cash flow stop in the first place. Meaning you might get the hook-up at Mickey D’s and yes its not what you expected or wanted, but its bring in some type of income. I think that if you are unemployed and trying to date, than you might need to be creative. I believe that whoever invite the person out should pay for the date. For an example, I asked a guy out on a date, and when we went out on this date I paid. He did offer to pay, but because I ask, I felt it was my duty to pay. There are many free and creative things that you can do, that does not require a bar? Which I would question why are you taking me to a bar, I can not get to know you at a bar, there is too much going on! Clearly I am wasting my time saying, ” What did you say,” every five minutes.

    Will I date someone who is unemployed, sure, we are just dating. I will see you when I will see you, but if it comes serious to where I have to label you as my lover( maybe it depends), bf, future husband, etc. than I would have some issues with you being unemployed.

  6. I would definately date/hang out with a guy who was unemployed and LOOKING for a job, especially if he is cute and can make me laugh and think. Although when someone invites you somewhere, they should pay…because it was thier idea…If they dont want to, they should be upfront and say they dont have the funds and the date will be dutch lol. But a girl should always be prepared to pay for herself on a first date. As for hanging out at a guys house…thats a definate No, for safety reasons…Meeting in public is the safe thing to do…to me, even at the park or something where you dont have to pay

  7. Interesting! As someone tht has been off the dating scene for quite sometime, I would like to think that I would date someone that is unemployed. I would stay with my boo now if he was unemployed. Like someone commented before, times are hard, but you must be actively pursuing a job. As long as it is discussed up front that some activities may need to be dutch, it should be fine.

  8. We need some creativity with this unemployed dating.. I wouldn’t straight ex the brother out, but I would be watching for the tell-tale signs of broke assdedness… which is a definite no to the hell nawl… I think if he is low on cash, and he wants to have drinks (uh, bad idea) we can make a Spec’s run and go to the park (hell, I pour better anyway) I think if he is up front about his limitations, we can work it out. Do I offer to pay on dates, well that depends, if he asked me out, I expect him to pay, period. Don’t ask someone out if you can’t afford to take them out… if I asked him (uh, I don’t do that..) or we were talking and we mutually agreed to meet somewhere, I am willing to break out the cash and halves it…. I ain’t saying I’m a gold digger….

  9. If you’re unemployed and can’t afford to go on a date then you need not ask a girl out on a date if you can’t pay. The begining stages of dating says a whole lot of how it will continue. I believe in courtship and this day and age it’s few and far between, most guys don’t court a woman. Will I date an unemployed guy, sure if he is actively looking for a job but at the same time if I know he’s unemployed I know what category I can put him in.

  10. i’m with Southern Girl.
    if you are dating for the sake of just having fun then someone’s current job status might not have that much of an impact. my dad never sent me out the house without some money because he didn’t want me to be assed out. but i do believe in the person asking for the date picking up the tab. if you’re unemployed then pick something in your money range.
    and as far as the “independent women” thing…i don’t even want to get started. it’s a double edge sword where everyone loses. i’ll leave it at that…till it’s my turn to write a blog.

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