When 2 or more men are gathered, there are a few things that will always be in the midst. Chief amongst them being laughter, verbal pugilisting (don’t know or care if that is word), and discussions of old times. – Book of Man Law, Social Etiquette, Sect 2.a8 When the cats I know get together to chop it up, you can be sure that we are going to talk about sports, women, kids, money, and more sports. There are few things that we never talk about because they are understood. They are boundaries never to be broached by any self-respecting man. Things I won’t mention in this post because, I respect myself dammit!! But there are some things that men rarely talk about that are the universal ties that bind us all, and they darn near define us. These things shape our view of the world, our actions, our motivations, and our relationships. What I’m talking about is our fears. People have a plethora of fears, so much so that it is its own field of psychological study. However, men have phobia that strike at the core of all of us. Basically there are a few things that scare the hell out of almost every man in America. Without further ado and in no particular order, here are a few of our least favorite things!
Raising a gay son or a stripper daughter– I know, its 2012 and we still on that?! Yuuup *storage wars*! Don’t think this is real, watch a man react to his toddler son walking in his moms heels. Depending on the dad, the toddler son may get his first whipping. When my son did it, I tried to be rational and redirect, but in my mind I was scared as hell. All I could think of is how gay men say they knew they were gay their whole lives. I was terrified that if my son was gay, that I would be a failure as a father and a man. I know that my 2 year old wearing his mom’s heels does not a Miss J make, but fears make you irrational. I also know that strippers aren’t born, they are made. So raising a daughter that becomes the next Maliah is not high on any man’s to-do list. I want my daughter to wear sweats and a turtleneck until she is 27 and marries a God-fearing, handsome, and well-off community activist! Crazy, I know, but I just don’t want her being another example in Brownlee’s Pole Position.
Unknowingly Marrying a Bust Down – Can you imagine the shame!!!! Your wife’s nickname in college was “the grip” cause every dude in a frat knew her! I know, I’m Ego Trippin. But no man wants that for his wife. It’s the type of paradox blogger Diggame tried to explain to no avail. Men want freaks, but just enough of a freak that we don’t think she is skeezer. But to unknowingly marry “that” girl is tough business and something that every man is scared of.
Getting a Known Bust Down Pregnant – Marrying a girl you didn’t know was a bust down is almost like you got a raw deal. But raw dealing a known bust down and making a baby is just plain stupid! Yet more than a handful of men have gone into the rain without a rain coat with a young lady they KNEW had the nickname of “the grip”!! And it is that consistent recklessness that fuels this fear. The fear you will be tied to a woman of ill repute for the rest of your natural life. I guess this fear isn’t that big of deal considering how frequently it happens.
Getting Bobbitted – mention Lorena Bobbitt in a room full of men and watch the synchronized gas face you get. Even young cats, that weren’t born when she chopped it off and sent it for a quiet rest in the field, know the deal. Considering how much of a man’s worth is tied to his member, its easy to understand why this is a universal fear of men around the world.
Relationships/Marriage – In general, these two words make men uncomfortable at their mere utterance. Contrary to popular opinion, it is not commitment that lies at the source of mens fear. It is FAILURE. Western Culture, though evolving, still puts the pressure on men to succeed. Everyone, regardless of sex, wants to be the poster child for #WINNING but the societal pressures on men are a little different. Most of those pressures are self-imposed, but still real. We worry that we won’t teach our kids how to make good, wise decisions, that we won’t live up to the expectations of our wives. We worry that we won’t reach our potential or leave a legacy for our family. All of these thoughts run through our head when we talk about relationships and marriage. Oh and we hear Mr. BenJammin 3000 too:
“Wetness all around me, true, but I’m no island
Peninsula maybe, makes no sense I know, crazy
Give up all this pussy cat that’s in my lap???”
Men as a collective have all of these fears to varying degrees. Some toss and turn over them, while others dismiss them until they can no longer be ignored. Whatever the case, it’s important for men to have honest and open dialogue about their fears. Not every day all day, but every once in a while we need to push aside the politics, sports, and music and talk about what inspires, motivates, or scares the hell out of us. Then we need to commit to preparing ourselves to conquer our fears, sustain our inspiration, and turn our motivations into actions.
Fellas did a miss anything? Do you agree that these fears are universal? Ladies did you learn something about ya man you didn’t know or maybe understand his actions a little better? It’s June 27th and if you don’t drink out of a styrofoam cup and jam some screw today, you ain’t from Houston, TX! (I’m from the Go but I will teach my kids how to bodyrock today)